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Hyper-literal humour I keep coming up with

Maja

- My local bus service has an advertisement currently running that basically reads "kids travel free all August"

*I need to check if there's a limit on the number of young goats I can bring with me on a given journey. 

- Outside an opticians, they've a sign that states: "free eye test with purchase".

*Does the purchase need to be from this company?

*I'd like to buy a lens cleaning cloth please... And may I book the free eye test?

*(If it turns out there's a minimum £££): I'd like to buy these £300 designer frames please, and have my free eye test. ... I'd like a refund on these frames please"

Parents

  • Futurama has a couple of good hyperliteral jokes. 

    "Oh, nobody's father, who art nowhere, we know you don't exist, so don't listen to this prayer" (the atheistic prayer)

    "You can't bend a wooden door!" "I know that and you know that, but this door looks pretty stupid!"

    "Ah, perfect timing! I've just turbo charged the ship's matter compressor!" "What's the matter compressor?" "Nothing's the matter Fry, now that I've turbo charged the ship's matter compressor!"

    "You are technically correct, the best kind of correct!"

    "Fry, acting like a moron won't solve anything!" "It's my only recourse!"

    "Mr. Wizard, why is this place called the Cave of Hopelessness?" "Oh, fear not, lad. 'Tis named for its discoverer, Reginald Hopelessness..." "Whew!" "...the first man to be eaten alive by the Tunneling Horror."

    (Bender) "We don't have emotions and that makes me very sad!"

Reply

  • Futurama has a couple of good hyperliteral jokes. 

    "Oh, nobody's father, who art nowhere, we know you don't exist, so don't listen to this prayer" (the atheistic prayer)

    "You can't bend a wooden door!" "I know that and you know that, but this door looks pretty stupid!"

    "Ah, perfect timing! I've just turbo charged the ship's matter compressor!" "What's the matter compressor?" "Nothing's the matter Fry, now that I've turbo charged the ship's matter compressor!"

    "You are technically correct, the best kind of correct!"

    "Fry, acting like a moron won't solve anything!" "It's my only recourse!"

    "Mr. Wizard, why is this place called the Cave of Hopelessness?" "Oh, fear not, lad. 'Tis named for its discoverer, Reginald Hopelessness..." "Whew!" "...the first man to be eaten alive by the Tunneling Horror."

    (Bender) "We don't have emotions and that makes me very sad!"

Children
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