People say I have it. I actually avoid it. I know I have it, but I don't want think about it. I don't want to be diagnosed. I worry how the diagnosis will affect me in the future.
I know this is silly. I have multiple illnesses and just want to handle that.
When I'm on my own (which I always am), I don't have to worry about autism I just stim way. It's getting worse as I age.
Would a diagnosis help me get a council property? I don't think it will. I really need one. I have LCWRA, yet my council rejected my application to be on the list. It's like they're saying, "Your not fit to work or do work related activities, but we won't house you".
I'll go to CAB and see if they can help me. I have a phobia of getting help with rent. They used to call it DSS tenants? Anyone can walk in to the property at any time and they can raise the rent if they desire.Then I''ll have to move out. I would like somewhere where I can settle down and manage my illnesses. I think a council property will give me this.
My mother is very ill and vomiting. God forbid when she is taken ill and hospitalised, I will be homeless.
I'll go to CAB next week and see if they can help. I don't like the idea of sleeping on a park bench with my impending colostomy bag.
I really don't want to cull myself. I'm not depressed and I like being alive, but there is a point where it's the most humane thing to do. An unfortunate state. "Why talk about it? Just do it" The thought of self culling digusts me. I like being alive, but I've messed up, big time. I don't have an inheritance anymore. I was relying on that. Not my mother's fault.
What you're seeing here is failure to launch.
I hope you're all well.
