Hello everyone,
I'm new here, and I'm just at a point where I feel like everything I do is a massive fail at life. I haven't been dealing with my autistic burnout very well, and my response to being diagnosed is to feel shame and pretend that I'm not autistic. It's like I'm distracting my mind from it and pretending it's not part of me. Has anyone else experienced this? Are there ways I can work on myself to fix this? Therapy didn't really seem to help me; it just makes me overthink and overanalyse myself to the point that I shut down.
The problem now is that I feel like it is affecting my marriage, and I think it will be the reason why the marriage ends. i say the wrong things and don't have the emotional capacity to understand different points of view, i get confused and then feel attacked, which appears as if i'm trying to play the victim but I'm genuinely taking forever to process things, I feel like i'm not and i can't show up for my husband in the ways i need to be as a wife. I feel like I'm barely functioning as a human, and random daily tasks feel 10x harder than they used to be. I know getting this diagnosis is a good thing for my peace of mind and understanding, but I also feel like it has ruined me.
My mind is a mess, my meltdowns are worse than before, and shutdowns last longer than I'm usually used to. Is this because I'm more aware of these things? Or is this a consequence of being high-functioning my whole life? Would this eventually affect me mentally? Or is this me already becoming mentally ill and needing to fix it? Because I feel like the way I live now will drive me insane, because I feel like an imposter of a human being.
Any advice/resources/any support services would be helpful; I'm completely at the end of this, and I'm desperate. For context, I was diagnosed in May this year.
Many thanks,
Alison
