I'm a 43 year old neurotypical woman who has been in a 26 year relationship with an autistic man. We have 4 children together, and as I'm sure you can imagine the relationship hasn't been without its share of ups and downs over the years. I discovered some texts to his female 'friend' ex of his best friend, that include him asking her for nude photos, her sending him lingerie images, him asking to join her in bed when she says she's heading to bed and he can join her. They said I love you to each other daily, she called him her husband, forever husband, and he would respond with calling her mrs. This was going on for 5 years. He says none of it meant anything and that it was just two friends joking around. It was all just words on a screen between 2 friends of 30 years. I would also like to add that during this 5 year affair, he gifted her with jewellery, borrowed her money, created a gif with the Rachel and Joey scene from friends where he tells Rachel he's falling in love with her, but he edit it so it was his own face and his affair partners face. They would tell each other that they mean so much to each other, he would write her poems telling her he wants between her legs. That isn't even the half of it. He says he's sorry if he hurt me, but I'm overreacting because none of it meant anything. It was all just words on a screen between two friends. She left her partner and wanted him to leave me, but apparently it was all nothing. Then it changed to she was obviously taking it seriously and he wasn't. He also said that he didn't realise she was feeling anything behind the words. It took me reading a month of messages to see what was going on, at which point I was physically sick. I've spoke to friends and family about all of this, tried to speak to my partner who now says I need to just let it go and for his mental health he needs to stop talking about it. His answer is always I have autism so you should explain that to people before telling them what I did because normal rules don't apply to me. Can anyone please offer advice? I'd be grateful for any replies, just need to know i'm not going crazy. There has been a distance between us for years. He gave her everything I told him I needed from him. He elevated her while grounding me into the floor. He says he can't see my point of it being an emotional affair, and I don't understand because I don't have autism. This is me trying to understand.
