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Deliberate ‘failure’ with Year 6 school work?

Alix

Hello!

My son is in Year 6. Up to the start of Year 6, he was consistently achieving very well in all aspects of his school work right from starting school. In the last few months, however, his scores in English have dipped considerably to this week not even an age expected score in SATS mocks. He is a capable student, and often achieves perfect scores in maths. He claims to not to be able to read, that he can’t spell, yet his prior achievement in school and when doing homework or reading with me, does not bear this out. He’ll go from using more complex language with a high degree of accuracy, such as ‘spherically’, to consistently writing ‘tabel’, even after I’ve corrected this.

His teacher, the SENCo and I all think that there’s an element of him deliberately trying to almost ‘fail’ in all other aspects of written school work apart from maths. 
None of us have come across this before - his dad and I are also both highly experienced teachers. We’re at a loss of how to support him.

I’ve been trying to find something online which discusses this but with no luck, so am wondering if anyone else has had this experience or can point me in the direction for support?

Thank you for reading this.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    That whole school experience you described is heartbreakingly familiar to a lot of bright, sensitive kids.

    You were right about so many things.

    What strikes me most is how long you carried that "just two more years" mindset - all the way into adulthood, right up until you realised it was never going to deliver what you needed. That realisation at 56 must have been painful but also freeing in its own way.

    School failed you in the worst possible way: it took a curious, capable mind and taught it that effort was pointless, excellence was punished socially, and your real interests didn't matter. That's not education - that's suppression.

    The tragedy is how common this story is. Bright, introspective children who don't fit the noisy, competitive, or disruptive mould often end up disengaged or quietly resentful. The system isn't built for them.

    If it's any comfort, you're not alone in feeling this way. Many intelligent people look back at school and feel the same frustration - that it dulled them rather than nurtured them.

  • in reply to lostmyway

    Reminder Rule 6 - No medical or legal advice

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thank you for sharing such a personal experience. We’ve had plenty of training on autism during our teaching career but for me, what’s really helpful is hearing the person’s own experience.

    So much of what you say resonates with me and from what I’ve seen with students over the years. It’s given me a lot to think over.

    Thank you for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it.

  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    Thats certainly something I’ve heard from him in the past - thanks for mentioning it; great reminder to revisit it.

     Thanks for reading and replying.

  • Things I remember thinking at school:

    Being good makes you stand out, it isn't cool. If you want to fit in you have to dumb stuff down. You don't get picked to play football in the playground if you're clever.

    Being good means the teachers get bored with you, they never ask you the questions or give you a chance to speak, so you stop bothering. Then why bother with the work at all 

    You get more attention if you are not very good. People try and support you.

    If you do well all the time it is expected, then all you get is grief if you get a B. At some point you think it isn't worth the effort. If you can't get an A then get an F and save the energy.

    A lot of subjects are pointless, arbitrary, not rule based and just random. Spelling is random, you just learn it, art is unfathomable, etc.

    Most teaching was just so slow. Or was unintelligible. There was no middle ground.

    Maths is clear, rule based and you can expand it logically. It didn't do it for me though, I did my o level at 14, but it was just a tool.

    I did school work for other people. I would rather be reading, making things or burning them, or outdoors. I would rather be in my own world learning things. But you have to keep doing stuff because you are told to.

    It was always just do this for another year or two years then things will get better. You'll get good grades, then things will get easier. I tried that for 56 years till I realised just another 2 years is not going to work any more. 

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Yeah... I recognise it to - it's heartbreaking watching him freeze when he's got so much brilliance locked up. That spiky profile? Classic for autistic kids: genius-level absorption, but the "getting it out" part - executive function - crashes under pressure. Not dyslexia, not laziness - just the brain's wiring saying, "too many steps, too scary." And hyperlexia early on? Makes teachers think "he'll catch up," until spelling slips and output stalls.

    The rabbit-in-headlights thing? That's demand overload + perfectionism. He knows he can do amazing work (that paragraph!), but starting feels like climbing a wall. Exams later? Valid worry - but you're ahead because teachers get it now.

  • I think sometimes kids default to if I don't try, I can't fail mindset when under stress or pressure for success. It might not be intentional or external pressure. It may be in his head. If he fails on purpose, to him he may not have truly failed.

    Obviously I am just speculating. But talking to him about worries and the positives about him that are not academic etc may help him.

  • in reply to Alice-nice-Alice

    There are so many elements of your post which sound familiar, and that’s just with an 11 year old! I like how you describe the link to English, that’s a great one to try.

    My career is actually teaching languages, and thinking back to some of the autistic students I’ve worked with, I suspect there may be issues. The one aspect of MFL which I think he might click with is grammar, as it’s such a clear cut ‘right or wrong’ concept - he’s already decided he doesn’t want to do French, but luckily German is on offer, which I’ve already been trying to drip feed!

    Thank you reading and for sharing your experiences.

  • I recall as a child deliberately trying, and succeeding, in doing no work and to fail subjects I deemed irrelevant and/or uninteresting. My special interest was one of the sciences so I worked really hard this and the related sciences plus maths as it is the language of science, but would do nothing at all in any foreign language and the minimum in English. Fortunately one teacher explained clearly and carefully the importance of English (she presented it as ‘new data’ which clicked with me) and that the university I wanted to attend wouldn’t accept me without decent and proven English language skills. I took this onboard and scraped a decent enough grade to get into uni. 

    Additionally I have never accepted being told what to do, will kick against authority figures, I have to personally own a project or subject to do it  I bet I was a difficult pupil. Things turned out well as leaving the regimentation of school to the freedom of university self motivation and responsibility I prospered and went on to have a very successful working life. Im retired now btw.

    Im not sure if this is relevant to your problem but certainly felt a resonance when reading your post. 

    Thanks for your post

    AnA

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Nothing to apologise for. It’s so much less isolating (for me at least!) when I read what others are experiencing, as I don’t feel there’s another parent in his class I can talk to.

    Thank you again and best wishes to you and your son.

  • in reply to Alix

    We are in Scotland, so it's a lot harder to understand what he can get down the line with exam help, we don't get SEN plans or any rights to support - there is something written down, but I'm not sure what. He's lucky in the regards it's been a small school and same teacher for nearly all his years at primary, so they really know him now, but secondry school will be very different. He's at least got an official diagnosis now which might help with talking to the highschool staff.

    Sorry I didn't mean to derail the conversation, just to share experiences. It was more just to say pressure can really stop kids showing their potential (this can even be internally driven too). I was a straight A student, but even I had a panic attack in my final maths exam half way though (thankfully) and couldn't remember anything else. He might even struggle to put into words what happened during SAT's, it can be frightening to not be able to access your knowledge. 

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thank you for sharing this. Getting things down on paper is a real issue this year, and homework is only ever done when I sit there with him. 
    I'm working in the exams team at a high school, and it’s really brought to the forefront the need to be persistent in raising concerns about my son in case timetable adjustments or access arrangements are required for exams later down the line when he is in high school.
    There is a lot which can be put in place for students who need something different for public exams, but the evidence needs to be gathered in the school in good time to access these. It may already be in place, but if not, it’s always worth a chat with the SEN dept about if your son can trial some of the possible access arrangement options in formal assessments early in his high school to see if there’s something that can support him.

    Thank you again for sharing.

  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    They’re really good ideas about the developmental changes which he’s starting to encounter. I know that SATs and transition to high school are both worries he has, and I do think he has mentally moved on from being at a primary school. 
    Rebellion is a really good point which I hadn’t thought of, as with the peer relationships.

    Thank you so much for sharing these ideas - I am very appreciative of you taking the time to read and reply.

  • I recognise it all too well. My son (11) has a lot of trouble with school work, he has a very spiky profile when it comes to what he can do. 

    He's very bright, and absorbs information, to the point his teacher said she would say he was gifted - the problem is although quality is brilliant, he can produce very little, an amazing paragraph to everyone else's page of writing. He gets locked up trying to get his thoughts in order to put them on the page, sometimes his little sister will try help him do his homework. Spelling went down this year too, he's doing words a level down from what he was doing last year. Maths is excellent, but he's allowed to do every other question to do it in time. His teachers thought he'd catch up with spelling as he was hyperlexic and could read from 3 1/2 years, so at first the teachers called him distracted and 'bad' as they could see he was capable, but thankfully now they get what he can do and can't do. 

    I worry for his ability to do exams when he's older. He's like a rabbit in headlights with any sort of pressure. They don't think he's dyslexic. He just doesn't always know how to start work. 

  • in reply to Alix

    You're welcome. There are some other good suggestions here from people with children. I really hope this is sorted out soon, for the peace of mind of your whole family.

  • I wondered four things:

    1. Is he due an eyesight / eye health exam with an Optometrist (physically struggling to read lately)?
    2. Could he be associating SATS with a reluctance / worries / change and uncertainty around the impending transition to his next school (if I flunk this I might be able to be kept back to repeat a year)?
    3. Sheer, debilitating exam nerves creeping in (the mocks making it seem all too real)?
    4. Could he be starting to struggle more with the social environment and expectations of peers at school (up until around age 9 the concrete or black-and-white thinking with which Autistic children may feel at ease - the early adolescence of age 10 onwards of his peer group will have been starting to challenge that previous way of thinking - along with this territory of growing up; arrives increasing self-consciousness and perception of being judged by peers)?

    As a society we tend to think of the last year of primary school as still being populated by "primary school" children. 

    However, for some of those children, they will have started to feel almost as though they are somehow being "punished" - as though they are the cuckoos - having already outgrown coping among the younger students - and yet still being required to confirm as an obedient "primary school student". 

    Pre-teen rebellion may be the attempted communication of so many confusing changes and thoughts.  

    Has he offered any suggestions, himself, as to what he thinks might be happening and what help he might think would be worth exploring?

    Sometimes, the child's own ideas / concerns might be a bit short on clarity of reasoning - even if they are accurately on topic.

  • in reply to lostmyway

    It really is so kind of you to put this together and I’ll work my way through them.

    It means so much that you’ve taken the time to do so. Thank you!

  • in reply to Alix

    Here are some of the most relevant and active threads discussing PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) and burnout from autistic adults and communities. These are places where people share personal experiences, coping strategies, and support:

    Reddit Threads & Subreddits (most active)

    Other Resources

    These communities are generally supportive and understanding of how PDA + burnout feels - the constant demand avoidance, exhaustion, shutdowns, and the guilt that often comes with it.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Good point about being bored - same primary school throughout. I’ll try and sound out from him what his peers are saying.

    Thanks for reading and replying!

  • in reply to Alix

    I was wondering if it was a boredom problem too, is he sufficiently challenged by the maths he's doing?

    Someone earlier wondered if it could be about bullying, it could well be, maybe not bullying exactly, but if he's picking up from his peers that it's "not cool" then that could be why he's refusing.

    One the other hand he may just have gone off it and isn't doing it because he has no interest, and dosen't see whats in it for him? Has he changed schools recently? Could it be a different environment or teacher? Could it be that he feels to much pressure to be "good"?