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need hekp explaining death to 6 year old

joby jo

My 6 yewr ild son is extreamaly clise to his aunty, 

Sge was taken into hospital last week and today we have been told that she has multiple organ failer and to prepare for the worst ,

I am realy worried that if the worst happens how i am going to explain it to him

he will be devestated and i know he wont take it well, I want to make it as kind to hm as possible if the worst happens and am struggling in what i should do/say?

Any advice would be appreciated 

Thanks xxx

  • Hi joby jo

     

    Very sorry to read about the situation you're in. This page on our site covers illness and bereavement www.autism.org.uk/.../death-bereavement-and-autism-spectrum-disorders.aspx it also has the details for our helpline at the bottom. You can call to make an appointment with our behavioural specialist to discuss your situation further.

     

    Cruze Bereavement Care is another option, they can be found at http://www.cruse.org.uk/

    Take care,
    Anil 

  • Also, he probably needs to attend the funeral. I know some people don't think it appropriate to take a child to funerals, but these are time-optimised rituals for grief reduction and he is likely to need all the help he can get.

  • You might contact NAS directly, they may be able to provide grief conseling appropriate for someone on the spectrum.

    *    *    *     *    *     *     *     *     *      *      *      *        *

    Its been a while now, id hoped a mod would see the thread but it hasn't happened so I'm flagging it.

  • also please remember these are just suggestions from someone who really doesn't have any right to offer advice. Mostly, I just wanted you to know that I cared

  • I am so sorry. What a terribly difficult situation. I think most six year old children would struggle to understand death, autistic or not. In fact, even adults do. I can't tell you what to say as I don't know your son and am obviously no expert in these things. From a purely personal point of view though I might suggest some of the following ideas:

    1) explain it to him in simple, factual terms. Eg: "when people are very ill indeed sometimes they die. This means that their bodies and minds stop working and they can no longer do anything or be a part of our lives. Aunty is very ill and it is possible that she might die."

    2) explain to him that it is ok to be sad or angry or scared or whatever he feels. You can also tell him about how you are feeling in simple terms (I am sad because I am going to really miss auntie.) maybe explain that you may behave a bit differently to normal after his aunty dies, as you will find it hard.

    3) reassure him that none of this is his fault. Tell him that his aunty loves him.

    4) try to keep other things in his life stable. Reassure him that you are not going to die. Tell him you love him. Try to keep to his routines as much as possible (though this may be hard if you are grieving too)

    5) be gentle on yourself. Take care of you. Your little boy needs you to be ok for him - don't hide your feelings from him, but make sure he knows that you are safe and there for him. Moreover, you are important and need to recognise that this time is hard for you too.

    sorry if that is not helpful. I hope I said nothing to offend or upset you. I am really sorry that you are going through this. I think you sound like a lovely parent to be thinking foremost of your son at such a difficult time. Take care