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On T-Shirt slogans and the capacity for autistic children to be naughty

Border Cauli'

Hello everybody.  I would like to ask what people think about T Shirts with explanatory slogans about the wearer having autism. Are they a good thing or a bad thing?  I'll tell you why I ask.  Whilst queuing for our lunch at Creely Park on holiday a couple of weeks ago there was an exasperated mother giving her son a really stern telling off. She was clearly at the end of her tether and told him in no uncertain terms to stand still and stop mis-behaving.  Now I'm not being critical of the lady concerned, parenting is a tough job at the best of times and I'm guessing that her child was far further down the ASD contimuim than my own trio.  

But here's the thing; they both had T Shirts on.  Mum's said words to the effect 'Parenting advice not required unless your child has autism too' and son's said 'I'm not naughty, I'm autistic'.   I do think it's really sad that the lady concerned felt she and her child had to dress this way just to have a day out and not feel criticised by the public glare (and here I am sounding critical, so sorry!), but I have to question this approach.  Surely the rules of good parenting are essentially no different just because a child has autism?  There has to be a danger of things back-firing if your mindset is that autistic children cannot be naughty and therefore normal parenting (lots of praise, building self esteem, clear boundaries, etc etc) does not apply? 

Of course if these T shirts help the person concerned to feel better when out in the public glare then that's fine, but my own approach is just about the opposite. We have worked hard to avoid making our children feel different. Ultimately they need to live in the real world, so they need to experience real life responses from members of the public, with all their prejudices and all.  

I am pretty sure that the mother's T Shirt had a NAS logo on it, so I wonder, do NAS support this approach? Do NAS believe that children with autism cannot be naughty? What do other parents think? 

Apologies again to the lady concerned. I can imagine life has not been easy these past few years. I did want to come up to you and have a chat, but hey, I would habve lost my [lace in the burger queue!  

  • in reply to SamF

    He will still inturupt people at times (he is 16) and he doesnt understand social rules very well.

    I'm in my 40s and those are still challenges.

    he does carry an autism alert card

    What does that look like? I might benefit from one :)

  • A card perhaps... or even a badge. A slogan on a T-shirt seems too much, like wearing a leper's cloak.

  • Hi all,not been diagnosed yet but i will be.nobody will deny me my undeniable philosphy.Blunt t-shirts=bad press,i like the star wars big at-at little at-at t-shirt that says you are my son.Its  thoughtful witty and positve.What im saying is subtle is better.

  • Well said  'Autistic and Proud' would be a great slogan for a T Shirt and I would have no objection at all!  

  • Thanks for the replies, really helpful in understanding a wider perspective. 

  • Oresteia

    I just love your design idea! Fab!

    On a serious note, I also think the t-shirts are a last resort to make a bad situation a little easier for that particular parent and child.  If it helps at all it is worth doing.

  • Hello there,

    Interesting topic. Myself and another parent had discussed seeing a child with a HOMEMADE SIGN on his back saying he was autistic! We were a bit saddened / shocked by this,  but again felt for the parent who was maybe just sick and tired of insensitive negative reactions. I certainly agree that being naughty (as every child since time began will be) is different to having autism and that autism certainly doesn't excuse those times when my little one is just being a monkey!.

    I quite like the slogans you gave, although I personally wouldn't wear one. For those challenging public moments I think I'd like a t-shirt that maybe says "oh knickers to you, we're doing our best"

  • Hi Border Cauli'

    The 'I'm not naughty, I'm autistic' t-shirt is an NAS design but I think it's important not to see it as a statement that means a child on the spectrum couldn't ever be 'naughty'.

    Rather, as you point out, it's about helping parents and children feel more comfortable when they are out in public - where a child's unique behaviour may have caused questions or problems and this may help in those social situations. Essentially it's there as an option for a parent who feels that the t-shirt would help, like SamF suggests, a dramatic and very public version of the Autism Alert Card.

    So it isn't about the NAS saying that every child on the spectrum could never be naughty or misbehave, but is about recognising that in some circumstances it may be helpful to let people know that some behaviours are related to being on the spectrum rather than face complaints or questioning about their parenting.

    I think if you look over our section on understanding behaviour it's clear that we do try to provide advice on managing challenging behaviours and how this may differ from more traditional 'naughty' behaviour of any child.

  • Hi,

    This is a very difficult subject, i agree with you that autism is not an excuse for being naughty and i have tried very hard with my son who has AS to not allow it to become an excuse for bad behaviour and as you say to allow him to function in the real world, however there are many things that no amount of parenting skills can help with i.e if he is not handling a social situation he will apear rude and almost arrogant to other people. He will still inturupt people at times (he is 16) and he doesnt understand social rules very well. there are many other issues as well. But i do also recognise that he is high functioning and that the spectrum is very large and he can be worlds apart from someone else on the spectrum and that for a lot of parents dealing with autism, no amount of managment techniques, is going to make their child appear well behaved when out in public.

    While i can not see myself using tee shirts as a method of raising awareness for my son, he does carry an autism alert card for difficulties that may arise when im not with him and if this child you saw has a lot more difficulties then the tee shirt could be called a larger more immediate alert card maybe??? and maybe the mum would appreciate advice from other parents of autistic children like it says on her tee shirt.

    Dont know if this post is very clear i think i am basicaly saying the tee shirts are not for me but i can see them being good for other people.

    sam

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