I frequently confused and I'm not afraid to admit it, lots of people seem to think being confused is a bad thing and should be hidden, but if we pretend we understand when we don't are we not in more danger of being misunderstood and confused? Why is saying, 'I don't know?' such a bad thing?
I get confused when people try and tell me three different ways of doing something right away.
I get told to work things out myself and when I can't others get cross.
Somethings I just can't seem to do no matter how many times it's explained, I have a problem where some things go straight to long term memory totally bypassing short term, so I have no neural link to retrieve it. I probably have a tatty drawer in brain full of all the different times I've been told how to do something simple, or simple for others, like C&P, I know I've done it before, but I don't know how and every time I do it is like the first and I still lose things in the ether. I get upset and others get angry and I get more upset and anxious.
I get told I have to do things that make no sense, like I have to draw a plan of my garden so as I can do it properly, I can't, because I can't draw, squared paper makes my eyes go boggly, but I know exactly what I'm doing and what I want and it's my garden, why should others have to understand so precisely?
Lots of social rules make no sense, what makes it worse is that I can see all the social rules and games, but when I try and do them I still get it wrong, or worse still I name the game and the reaction to that is anger and often disgust too. How can I be meant to know these rules instinctively and follow them blindly, but not actually be aware of them? Are they really all for other people and not me? I dont' know I'm confused
| # | Unwritten rule | What it looks like in practice | Why it matters (psychological / social) | Cultural variations |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | “Give and take” (turn‑taking) | In a conversation you let each person speak before you jump in. In a meeting you don’t dominate the floor. | Reduces conflict, signals respect, keeps the flow of information. | In some cultures, “speaking first” is a sign of authority; in others, a very long monologue is expected in a leader’s speech. |
| 2 | “Personal space” | You keep a 2‑to‑3‑foot distance when walking past someone. In a crowded train you don’t push or lean heavily on others. | Prevents physical discomfort and perceived aggression. | East Asian cultures often have tighter personal‑space norms; some Western cultures allow a larger “social bubble.” |
| 3 | “Punctuality” | Arrive a few minutes early for a meeting or dinner. | Shows respect for others’ time, builds reliability, signals social competence. | In many Latin American and Middle‑Eastern contexts, a more relaxed “tardiness” is tolerated. |
| 4 | “Apologize even when not at fault” | Saying “sorry” when you bump into someone, or “I’m sorry you’re upset.” | Maintains harmony, lowers defensiveness, signals empathy. | Some collectivist societies value group harmony over individual correctness, making apologies more frequent. |
| 5 | “Do not interrupt” | Let the speaker finish a sentence before you answer. | Allows the speaker to fully express thoughts, shows respect, improves listening. | In some high‑context cultures, interrupting is a way to signal interest or authority. |
| 6 | “Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze” | Use a tissue or your elbow. | Prevents disease spread, shows health‑consciousness. | Universal, though the enforcement level varies (e.g., “hand sanitizer” in some offices). |
| 7 | “Use polite language (“please,” “thank you”) | Asking for something with “please” and acknowledging help with “thank you.” | Signals respect and reciprocity, creates a positive social climate. | Some languages have more elaborate honorifics or politeness markers (e.g., Japanese keigo). |
| 8 | “Keep your phone out of sight while someone is speaking” | Put your phone on silent and set it aside in a meeting. | Signals that the other person’s words are more important than your device. | In many cultures, a phone‑free rule is strictly enforced in formal settings; others are more tolerant. |
| 9 | “Offer your seat or help to those who need it” | Giving up your seat to an elderly person or a pregnant woman. | Communicates care for vulnerable group members, reinforces social hierarchy. | In cultures that value hierarchy (e.g., many Asian societies), offering a seat is a sign of deference to seniority. |
| 10 | “Back‑handed compliments | “You’re surprisingly good at that” (implied that you wouldn’t normally expect such skill). | Avoids offending the recipient; helps maintain a polite tone. | Some cultures tolerate “sarcastic” back‑handed compliments; others consider them rude. |
| 11 | “Share information before you ask for it” | If you need a colleague’s expertise, first let them know what you’re working on. | Builds trust, signals that you’re not just “tapping” on someone’s resources. | In high‑trust societies, you may freely request help; in low‑trust contexts, you’ll need to build rapport first. |
| 12 | “Respect others’ personal belongings” | Do not touch a stranger’s bag or phone without permission. | Signals respect for identity and autonomy. | In some informal settings (e.g., certain parties) people may touch each other’s belongings without a problem. |
| 13 | “Offer a handshake or hug depending on the context” | A firm handshake at a business greeting; a hug among close friends. | Communicates intent, builds rapport, indicates social bonding. | Handshakes are the norm in most Western offices; in parts of Asia a bow or a nod may replace it. |
| 14 | “Do not bring up highly controversial topics (politics, religion) with strangers” | Avoid discussing politics at a first‑date or office lunch. | Prevents immediate conflict, preserves social cohesion. | In some societies, discussing politics is a way to test compatibility; in others, it is taboo. |
| 15 | “When you’re invited to a home, bring a small gift” | A bottle of wine, a plant, or a dessert. | Signals appreciation, reciprocates hospitality, signals that you value the relationship. | In Mediterranean and Middle‑Eastern cultures, bringing a gift is almost mandatory; in some modern Western contexts it’s optional. |
| # | Unwritten rule | What it looks like in practice | Why it matters (psychological / social) | Cultural variations |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | “Give and take” (turn‑taking) | In a conversation you let each person speak before you jump in. In a meeting you don’t dominate the floor. | Reduces conflict, signals respect, keeps the flow of information. | In some cultures, “speaking first” is a sign of authority; in others, a very long monologue is expected in a leader’s speech. |
| 2 | “Personal space” | You keep a 2‑to‑3‑foot distance when walking past someone. In a crowded train you don’t push or lean heavily on others. | Prevents physical discomfort and perceived aggression. | East Asian cultures often have tighter personal‑space norms; some Western cultures allow a larger “social bubble.” |
| 3 | “Punctuality” | Arrive a few minutes early for a meeting or dinner. | Shows respect for others’ time, builds reliability, signals social competence. | In many Latin American and Middle‑Eastern contexts, a more relaxed “tardiness” is tolerated. |
| 4 | “Apologize even when not at fault” | Saying “sorry” when you bump into someone, or “I’m sorry you’re upset.” | Maintains harmony, lowers defensiveness, signals empathy. | Some collectivist societies value group harmony over individual correctness, making apologies more frequent. |
| 5 | “Do not interrupt” | Let the speaker finish a sentence before you answer. | Allows the speaker to fully express thoughts, shows respect, improves listening. | In some high‑context cultures, interrupting is a way to signal interest or authority. |
| 6 | “Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze” | Use a tissue or your elbow. | Prevents disease spread, shows health‑consciousness. | Universal, though the enforcement level varies (e.g., “hand sanitizer” in some offices). |
| 7 | “Use polite language (“please,” “thank you”) | Asking for something with “please” and acknowledging help with “thank you.” | Signals respect and reciprocity, creates a positive social climate. | Some languages have more elaborate honorifics or politeness markers (e.g., Japanese keigo). |
| 8 | “Keep your phone out of sight while someone is speaking” | Put your phone on silent and set it aside in a meeting. | Signals that the other person’s words are more important than your device. | In many cultures, a phone‑free rule is strictly enforced in formal settings; others are more tolerant. |
| 9 | “Offer your seat or help to those who need it” | Giving up your seat to an elderly person or a pregnant woman. | Communicates care for vulnerable group members, reinforces social hierarchy. | In cultures that value hierarchy (e.g., many Asian societies), offering a seat is a sign of deference to seniority. |
| 10 | “Back‑handed compliments | “You’re surprisingly good at that” (implied that you wouldn’t normally expect such skill). | Avoids offending the recipient; helps maintain a polite tone. | Some cultures tolerate “sarcastic” back‑handed compliments; others consider them rude. |
| 11 | “Share information before you ask for it” | If you need a colleague’s expertise, first let them know what you’re working on. | Builds trust, signals that you’re not just “tapping” on someone’s resources. | In high‑trust societies, you may freely request help; in low‑trust contexts, you’ll need to build rapport first. |
| 12 | “Respect others’ personal belongings” | Do not touch a stranger’s bag or phone without permission. | Signals respect for identity and autonomy. | In some informal settings (e.g., certain parties) people may touch each other’s belongings without a problem. |
| 13 | “Offer a handshake or hug depending on the context” | A firm handshake at a business greeting; a hug among close friends. | Communicates intent, builds rapport, indicates social bonding. | Handshakes are the norm in most Western offices; in parts of Asia a bow or a nod may replace it. |
| 14 | “Do not bring up highly controversial topics (politics, religion) with strangers” | Avoid discussing politics at a first‑date or office lunch. | Prevents immediate conflict, preserves social cohesion. | In some societies, discussing politics is a way to test compatibility; in others, it is taboo. |
| 15 | “When you’re invited to a home, bring a small gift” | A bottle of wine, a plant, or a dessert. | Signals appreciation, reciprocates hospitality, signals that you value the relationship. | In Mediterranean and Middle‑Eastern cultures, bringing a gift is almost mandatory; in some modern Western contexts it’s optional. |
I've found that people all talk over each other, I was broughto up to believe that a conversation was one person speaks the others listen and then someone replies.
I'm amazed at how many people don't cover thier faces when coughing or sneezing, you'd think people would of learned after covid?
how about farting in public?
Avoid at all costs. I've seen people beaten up for this in Scotland as it can be taken as an insult (as in "you fill me with the urge to deficate") which less civilised people can take umbrage with.
Aside from anything else, sharing the contents of your colon (even the gaseous kind) is unpleasant in the extreme.
Please don't do it.
hehe, how about farting in public?
