Experiences of those who lived without diagnosis for some time

Hello! I was diagnosed this July (late middle age). As far as I'm concerned, my relationships, friendships and careers were already affected all my life, so the diagnosis was my answer. I think my partner doesn't accept it.

I've only asked for adjustments a couple of times and am keeping the diagnosis mostly private. I get what you say about jobs; that is still a major one for me. It is so ferocious out there now that there is no way I am mentioning neurodiversity. It would make it too easy for them to pick someone else over me. The way I see it, if I've fooled them, I've won. If they want to give me war, bring it on.

Ride the rollercoaster. Accept the uncomfortable feelings. I don't feel I'm qualified to give you tips, but in my last temp job I threw up strong hints at interview stage, i.e. "My strengths are that I'm hyperfocused and just want to get on with the job". Also, take companies' windowdressing with a pinch of salt without being too cynical, ie. policies stating "We accept candidates of all types, blah blah, neurodiversity, blah blah."  Toughest of all, accept that you have to create a work persona. Even some NTs struggle with this and it took me decades to accept. Think of it as protecting yourself. You take off the armour at the end of the day, you thank it, but you know it's just armour and not necessarily falsity. Someone going into battle doesn't think of their helmet and kevlar as 'false'.

That might not necessarily be the right advice, though (it just works for me, sort of).

Hello! I was diagnosed this July (late middle age). As far as I'm concerned, my relationships, friendships and careers were already affected all my life, so the diagnosis was my answer. I think my partner doesn't accept it.

I've only asked for adjustments a couple of times and am keeping the diagnosis mostly private. I get what you say about jobs; that is still a major one for me. It is so ferocious out there now that there is no way I am mentioning neurodiversity. It would make it too easy for them to pick someone else over me. The way I see it, if I've fooled them, I've won. If they want to give me war, bring it on.

Ride the rollercoaster. Accept the uncomfortable feelings. I don't feel I'm qualified to give you tips, but in my last temp job I threw up strong hints at interview stage, i.e. "My strengths are that I'm hyperfocused and just want to get on with the job". Also, take companies' windowdressing with a pinch of salt without being too cynical, ie. policies stating "We accept candidates of all types, blah blah, neurodiversity, blah blah."  Toughest of all, accept that you have to create a work persona. Even some NTs struggle with this and it took me decades to accept. Think of it as protecting yourself. You take off the armour at the end of the day, you thank it, but you know it's just armour and not necessarily falsity. Someone going into battle doesn't think of their helmet and kevlar as 'false'.

That might not necessarily be the right advice, though (it just works for me, sort of).

Yes, thankyou! Congratulations :) Sometimes it feels like an aditional/unnecessary layer has been added to problems. I don't mind problems or working things through but things rarely seem smooth or comfortable. I am hyperfocused too, but this seems to be swinging towards my own interests more, and increasingly working alone. I am a bit cynical of equal opportunities as this (however they dress it up) does also limit others expectations of you. In terms of masking I would say my use is light, or it may be deeply embedded now in who I am (from childhood) Things towards my late teens/twenties became increasingly difficult, when before that point they just flowed. I was surrounded by primary people (family) and I could do almost any thing myself. I still can, but its like doing it with a hangover or waking up after a 20 year sleep, I feel impaired but my mood on the right day can bring me out of this. Its just that Iike the weather I am not in control of it from one day to the next.