Experiences of those who lived without diagnosis for some time

Hello!

I was diagnosed earlier this year, I'm a 32 year old woman. I have a long history of anxiety with a side of depression from being a teenager. I'd always felt weird, had trouble fitting in, maintaining friendships and holding down a job. I'm academic, performed well in school, college and ended up with two degrees. 

I haven't revealed my diagnosis to my parents as I'm worried they will be hard on themselves for missing the diagnosis even though I don't feel that way, autism in girls was very poorly understood back in the 90s and early 00s. My partner was encouraging in me getting the diagnosis and I think he's along the same lines as me, in thinking 'oh this makes sense now'. I did inform my work and requested reasonable adjustments, I have had attendance issues due to stress and anxiety, they did not grant my reasonable adjustments which has lead to me resenting my managers and feeling very unsupported. I did tell my immediate team, four other women I work with, they were supportive and one responded with, 'Oh! That's why you get so stressed!' which was honestly so validating! 

In terms of myself, it's funny, sometimes I get imposter syndrome and think I can't be autistic, they must have made a mistake! Then I'll become really upset because a plan has changed unexpectedly or overwhelmed because there's a bad smell or jump out my skin because the bus made a whooshing noise or be talking to my partner and realize I'm not looking at him or have someone tell me a joke and stare blankly back at them because I don't get it and I think, 'Oh yes, you're autistic'. 

I do feel like I have a new lens to see my life experiences through, I think back to my childhood sometimes and a memory will pop up, for example, I remembered recently going to the shopping centre with my mum, she would want to walk through the food court to leave and I was always distressed and would refuse because it smelt bad to me, all different restaurants food combined, that wouldn't bother most people but to me as a young child it was overwhelming. 

My assessor said that years ago I wouldn't have been diagnosed as I'm 'high functioning' (masking as well) and the knowledge and awareness has changed. I feel more empathetic and understanding to myself for what I previously saw as faults. It has taken time and I'm not 100% there with accepting the diagnosis but I am glad I was assessed and diagnosed. There's nothing wrong with being autistic, my brain just works a bit differently. 

I love this thanks. I was depressed and anxious a lot too but fought through it to get a masters and UG degree too.  I just remember late teens sensations becoming rather jarring - bright lights and sounds especially. 

I loved the academic side of uni, I loved nothing more than sitting with a stack of books and my laptop in a quiet corner of the library and working through my assignments and my dissertation but as with most things, the social side was a struggle and I used to get so anxious and panicky sat in lecture theartres. 

I socialised with younger than my kids at uni, they were much more accepting and less judgemental than many of the older adults, we had far more in common than I had with the people around my age.

I loved the work too, I spent xmas in my final year researching my dissertation, just me a cat, a pile of books and some nice food, it was great, one of the best xmas's I've had.

I socialised with younger than my kids at uni, they were much more accepting and less judgemental than many of the older adults, we had far more in common than I had with the people around my age.

I loved the work too, I spent xmas in my final year researching my dissertation, just me a cat, a pile of books and some nice food, it was great, one of the best xmas's I've had.