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Experiences of those who lived without diagnosis for some time

pietro_21

Hi :) I only recently had a formal diagnosis. It felt very liberating in terms of my identity, Lots of things started to make sense very quickly. I wanted to understand the experiences of other people with autism, as I am at this difficult crossroads where who I reveal this too is a bit of a minefield. To me it doesn't change anything but I feel like it might affect my career or relationships. Other peoples lack of understanding or willingness to engage with me is what worries me the most, as its kind of what I have been dealing with the first 45 years of my life up until now. Trying to sustain a job with all of the added difficulties, whilst having to feel somewhat inadequate internally for these, is ridiculous. Don't feel obliged to share anything personal, but your experiences and tips would be welcome as the last few weeks have been a bit of an emotional rollercoster.

Parents

  • As with most other things I was out about my diagnosis as soon as I had it, I wasn't working due to other health conditions, so employers weren't an issue for me.

    I can't be anything other than authentically me and I think hiding an autism diagnosis would be as damaging to me mentally as it was not knowing what was wrong, why I was so awkward, clumsy, socially inept and all the other things that make life difficult for ND's. It dosen't stop me being an intelligent, mostly kind (I hope), funny and generous person, if people can't handle that then I don't want them in my life, they're a drain and vexatious to my spirit.

    The thing to remember is you're exactly the same person as you were prediagnosis with the same skills, interests, like and dislikes. I think us Latelings (those who were diagnosed later in life), need to push back against a society that pigeon holes to easily, we need to make others see this is a positive an extra to our lives not a negative ball and chain.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I took an assessment to give me an idea of how much I mask, I think it is minimal but it does seriously distort your sense of reality. 

Reply Children
  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Reality: I mean completely necessary to things you need to do; earning a living, having healthy relationships etc. Feeling comfortable or that you are genuine being yourself with people in situations. Being around others is an Important barometer of reality because you are not in total control of those parameters. Or walking down the street, anything within reason might happen outside your control. The masking is like a complex, an extension for me anyway perhaps from preconditioning not being able to totally fit in.

  • in reply to pietro_21

    Define reality? 

    I think everyone masks to a certain extent, we all have a slightly different persona when at work, to at home with trusted people, or we mind our P's and Q's with older family members and don't talk about certain things with certain people.

    I think what interests me the most, is why those of us ND's feel we can't unmask to ourselves or have to conciously mask or unmask, it seems that NT's do it unconciously but we can't. Although I guess some NT's can't either depending on thier family circumstances. I think we do everyone a disservice by presuming that only ND's mask, masking is something that seems to have come up a lot recently in ND circles, no one's talking about how to integrate masks and allow them to just be a part of who you are, but instead we think of them as a problem and I'd like to ask, are they really?