I mentioned this to my therapist last week about my complex. The complex is that when I feel as if I have disappointed someone, I retain it in my mind to try and find a way to synthesise that disappointment so that I feel as if I have made up for it. This can be for literally anything, and the fact not everything solves neatly in life is a distress for me. Even if it is merely a missed opportunity (i.e. someone likes me and I miss the signals ), I feel the need to mentally keep it on my mind so I can try to rectify it. This can be as small as rearranging the time to meet, to feeling the need to throw myself into something uncomfortable or make something extravagant in order to meet the need. I feel bad that I have 'failed' that need, and I feel the necessity keep that stuck in my mind to 'drive' me in order to satisfy that need at once. May lead to saying yes moe willingly too. It feeds a lot into my negative thinking. This mindset, once I had finally spoken it, felt like I had finally said it properly for the first time with a therapist. I'm pretty sure that this complex drives a lot of the reason why I make decisions.
It's a progress, and I am not sure where to go from there, but I really hope someone can relate to me on this! I don't know if it has anything to do with autism too...
