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Social mental preparation

aurelis

HOw does everyone manage social preparation?

Something I am working to get over, but I have got into this mode where if I am not in the 'optimal' mood, I almost refuse to go out and show my face, or I feel disoriented. I feel the need to feel in a 'perfect mood' and when I reach those moods, I become trigger happy in wanting to meet everyone, until I burnout again.

Say there's a meeting I have with someone, or a friend, I can't be spontanaeous with it. I need to know when it is, and where it is, and have enough notice. Even then, I feel socially unprepared and feel that the best way to get through is with a mask of sorts. However, I know better way to prepare for this is actually allow myself the time and space to mentally prepare myself, which I don't because I spend too much time worrying about the thing, and putting unrealistiic expectations on the thing. So then I put the thing off, adjust my availability and it may inadvertedly upset the other person, or comes across as rude.

One thing I'm trying to fight against is trying to give the space that I need. So far it's working by making a list of the people I want to see, friends, and people more related to work. I then make a note of when the last time I text or called them. That way, I can have the space to be more realistic with consistency of contact and mental preparation based on the last time I called them, and it allows me to feel better if I haven't contacted them in, say like a week. And then making sure if I schedule to see someone, it's with some boundaries of when it is and for how long (i.e. to just 'hang out' is something I can't manage, and if I do, the conversation may end up going on for hours and afterwards I feel drained).

Anyway, chatting too much about me, how does everyone else do it?

Parents

  • I tend to just throw myself into the situation and hope for the best. If I cannot come up with a good reason why a "normal" person wouldn't do it, then I just take a sort of fatalist approach and go along. It's rare that anything bad happens. I work on my scripts a bit beforehand to take some edge off the anxiety, but the anxiety is eased by just making the decision to go instead of thinking about it too much. I also tend to start out slowly: I'll keep my talking to a minimum until I've gotten a better read of the room.

    When it comes to "consistency of contact", I don't have any. I might think in my head I contacted someone only last week, but then I check and it turns out it was three or six months ago. Your way sounds better.

Reply

  • I tend to just throw myself into the situation and hope for the best. If I cannot come up with a good reason why a "normal" person wouldn't do it, then I just take a sort of fatalist approach and go along. It's rare that anything bad happens. I work on my scripts a bit beforehand to take some edge off the anxiety, but the anxiety is eased by just making the decision to go instead of thinking about it too much. I also tend to start out slowly: I'll keep my talking to a minimum until I've gotten a better read of the room.

    When it comes to "consistency of contact", I don't have any. I might think in my head I contacted someone only last week, but then I check and it turns out it was three or six months ago. Your way sounds better.

Children
  • in reply to Damojo

    I only started this way recently. It’s by no means perfected yet, but it’s somewhat helping me to see who I need to reach out to and giving me a context of time besides my own head.

    It seems that you’ve got a method of going out to meet people. I’m always used to winging it and it means that it’s very hard to keep properly in check.