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my teenager daughter

Sharon

Hi everyone its quite hard to write down our feelings but I was wondering

If any other parents are going through the same thing or it is a typical teenager

Well my daughter is turning 16 in september and doesnt attend school as she has been diagonsed with chronic fatigue she doesnt talk to anyone has no friends she doesn't talk to me if I try to talk to her she gets defensive says she hates talking she talks to herself a lot more and spends all her time with her headphones in as a parent I want her to come to me and hate the silences that we share 7 days a week when we go for a walk when she isnt tired I think great we can talk but she walks behind and talks to herself I feel numb inside and would love to hear from anyone else who is going through the same or any advice would be welcomed x

  • Does she have a special interest that could serve as a starting point for conversation? 

    Sharon said:

    Thank you for your wise words i just wish I could wave a magic wand and help every single child 

    You should be aware that every fight you win on behalf of your daughter contributes incremental benefit to us all. No magic wand necessary, just lobbying...

  • Thank you for your wise words i just wish I could wave a magic wand and help every single child 

  • Do you have any pets?  Animals, have a way of breaking through the barriers that we sometimes can't.

    Horses and dogs are particular favourites with my son's.  There are also animal therapy centres were people can interact with all sorts of animals. They may even reduce her anxiety and give her something to look forward to.

    Teenagers with special needs are complex and in my experience appear to have a double dose of moodiness, we are still going through this phase but it is getting better.

    Just be there for her. 

    Hugs 

  • Hi Sharon

     One of my boys gets very funny with me when I try to have conversations with him. Ratty, and abusive sometimes. Sometimes he doesn't respond at all! The other often talks to himself. Seemingly unable to have his conversations in his head, but we just let him be.

    It's hard to say whether it's teenage type bahavior or whether it's the ASD, but in speaking with our ConneXtions advisor she says it's 'Teenager Plus!' Basically, implying that it's a combination of both. This In my experience has a tendancy to amplify things.

    My son with behavioral issues is extremely hard to manage at times and their are days when I think, You know what, I'm not here to be spoken to that way, but when i step back and see the situation it doesn't take long to realize that he's overwhelmed and frightened.

    My other son seems to have far more rationale, yet internalizes everything he worries about and makes himself ill with Anxiety.

    No two people are the same. However, accepting who she is and how she wants to be at that time is good. It maybe that her world is very scarey. I have to stop myself even when my son asks me to back off over a simple request and give him some space.

    I saw a video recently about anxiety and it's by someone on the spectrum. It's quite long, 45 min or so, but perhaps you'd like to take a look. Her key message; as I understand it, is that we need to find someone who accepts us for who we are.

    www.youtube.com/watch

    If you find that acceptance in a companion, teacher, or family member, then things become more managable. She is not who you would like her to be, but that's actually ok. If she was to bend and conform it could be too stressful for her.

    My advice would be to step back and observe. Give her space and maybe she will concede to the odd moment of reciprocal exchange. It's what I've had to do with my son and to be honest, the exchange when it did come, (and it took a while) blew me away!

    From 'I hate you' to 'Mum i'm really proud of you and i'm lucky to have you as a parent!'

    No wonder cures i'm affraid, just a glimmer of recognition. Smile

    I know you find it difficult and my heart goes out to you.

    Kind Regards

    Coogybear XX