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Autistic + big Pisces energy + stuck living with a narcissistic parent — how do you not lose your mind?

HVN96

I’m 29, Still living at home because rent is impossible, benefits are a dead end, and my health is a mess (fibro, PCOS, autoimmune stuff). I’m autistic, with intense OCD-like traits and full-on Pisces sensitivity — I pick up on every shift in mood or tone, I hate conflict, and I just want a calm, clean, quiet space to exist in.

Instead, I’m in a house with clutter I can’t control, a mum who’s passive aggressive and narcissistic, and constant family drama. If I speak up, I’m “attacking her” or making her feel like a prisoner in her own home. So I just shut down most of the time and bottle it up.

My OCD goes off over the mess, my brain never shuts up, and I’m mentally burnt out 24/7. Work isn’t any better — it’s just stress on top of stress. No escape, no break, no reset.

I am losing my mind, I can’t do this anymore, work is stressful, home is stressful my health is stressful and I don’t know what to do because it’s really effecting my mental health.

  • in reply to HVN96

    Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. But although you're working, if you're on a low income you still might qualify for part housing benefit and in some cases the local council can make a discretionary payment to cover a deposit. I would suggest asking your local council if they can help you - give them all the information about your difficulties living in your family home and your financial situation and see what they can advise.

    if they can't help, how about advertising for a flatmate who also wants a clean, tidy, quiet, tidy home, then finding a flat together and sharing costs? Or looking for a shared house with a room available and going to meet the other residents to see if you feel you could live with them? Or looking for another job where accommodation is provided?

  • in reply to Lotus

    Unfortunately, because I work I don’t qualify for any benefits other than PIP but my wage and pip is far away from enough to be able to afford rent and all of my bills so I’m stuck in this like loop which is driving me crazy SobSob

  • I empathise with your need for a calm, clean, tidy, quiet space as that's what I need too. I also have OCD traits and have always been quite sensitive, although I'm not a pisces. Luckily I share a home with my partner, who is similar.

    You indicated that you are working, so you should be able to get housing benefit (or universal credit which includes a housing benefit element, not sure how it works these days) so maybe look into that to help you get a rented flat. If you Google it, you can find benefits calculators that you enter your details into and it will show how much you could be entitled to. When it asks what your rent is, just put an amount that you would be paying if you were renting (you can check rents of local flats on Rightmove)

    I think it might be a good idea to also talk to your doctor about how you are feeling, and they may be able to offer medication and /or therapy to help you cope, as appropriate.

    I wish you well and hope things improve soon.