Hi all,
I’ve never written on here before and I am not sure whether I will get a response, but I’m looking for some guidance.
I suspect that my recent ex-partner is autistic and/or ADHD. Throughout our time together, he has shown signs, but has never got a formal diagnosis. He has however been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and is / had taken medication, but it never really seemed to get to the core of the issue.
I would say that his symptoms include; social anxiety, struggling to make friends, not being able to have more than one sound at any one time, having very black and white thinking and fixating to the extreme on a new hobby every six months - year. He could also get overwhelmed by changes in routine, but thrives in an environment that is very structured, will notice things that I would never notice in a room or object and can struggle to explain himself when distressed or stressed.
Over the past decade he has had a history of waking up in the morning and wanting to change the path that he is on in life or similar. For example, he was taking a degree which he was enjoying, until he woke up one morning and it no longer felt right - out of the blue.
This has also been picked up by his workplace and I think he’s slowly starting to realise it himself.
We had been on an on-off relationship for over a decade. We recently bought a house together and he had plans for engagement. He was so excited and we had discussed children. Recently, he went on his first big solo trip to another country after fixating on a new hobby (including getting up at all hours to watch these sports games regardless of commitments!) He met some friends online and off he went. On day 5 of this holiday, he said something clicked in his brain and nothing in his life felt right anymore, including his relationship, the house, job etc. He said he met a group of people that he fitted in with for the first time and suddenly everything needed to change (albeit the day before he left he was saying how happy and excited he was with his life!) There were no known issues in our relationship and we had good communication, so this came completely out of the blue. He went out there again a month or so later to understand whether he wanted to move out there. He came back and said he wasn’t sure what direction he wanted his life to go in, but he had to start with his relationship and the house and had to deal with one thing at a time. He has plans to completely turn his life upside down, even though he had everything he had dreamt of, including a promotion, only to go on this holiday and have all of his values do a 180 degree turn, including children. It’s now like he has never met me before and has become very distant and unemotional.
For me, having a sudden shift overnight from an overwhelming holiday (where he was constantly with lots of people and going to big sports events, which he had never done before) is showing signs of something. Marriage was his goal for so many years. He cannot give me a reason for this change other than it’s a feeling and wants to sell the house and then think about whether he wants to change his job and his location etc. Only the day before this switch, he sent me a message saying he loved and missed me and then he almost disappeared off the radar.
He did have to take a couple of days off at work and has found himself trying out a new routine, for example. He has almost detached himself from myself and says he can only deal with one emotion at a time and almost seems to be feeling nothing towards the whole situation. Nothing I say or do seems to get through to him as he is so dead set on his decision, despite me trying to explain to him that it doesn’t seem completely logical to change overnight.
Has anyone got any experience with this?
Thanks,
Anon
