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I’m asking you good people if you too are on the trail of finding self-identity after “late diagnosis”? If you are, can you share how you go about it best please?

Phased

Hello Good People Blush

I have been carried around the sun 62 times and I haven't got the hang of knowing how best to do me yet.  Late diagnosis of autism has added to the experience!

I suggest a discussion how learning is how to "do themselves" best as masking and lack of self understanding is removed.  With apologies to those who may be thinking "what that again?"

Here's why.

(- a lot of this is about me so please skip it and go straight to the discussion questions at the end  if you've already got the idea!)

Now, I have rarely been able to simply accept an easy satisfactory solution when instead I could spend ages working hard to a way that is better than satisfactory.  As Muddy Waters put it “I just can’t be satisfied.”

Maybe the cause for me to end up seeming to make unnecessarily hard work of life!

Anyway, along the way I associated myself with some of the traits displayed and described in representations of autistic people.

When I picked at the problem of finding life being unbearably hard work I latched on to learning that there is increased vulnerability of autistic adults to negative life events can be linked to challenges in social interaction, communication, and sensory processing, making them such people susceptible to adverse situations. 

I figured that could explain my experience of life.

I also learned that while autism is primarily believed to have a strong genetic component, experience can significantly alter brain development in individuals with autism, potentially impacting the expression and severity of autistic traits. Specifically, adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) can exacerbate autistic symptoms and lead to other psychiatric disorders by altering brain structure and function

I figured that could explain it too.

So on a self-directed basis I picked the idea that perhaps I was autistic.   

I picked so hard at this idea that I have had an ASD diagnosis for the past 3 and a half years.

If you are wondering, yes, the image I am making is like picking at a scab on a wound (sorry if too graphic).    I figure masking and lack of understanding of autistic traits could be metaphorically associated to a scab on a wound. 

As NAS put it:

“Some autistic individuals may struggle with self-identity due to masking and a lack of understanding of their own autistic traits. Masking, the conscious or unconscious suppression of autistic traits to fit in, can make it difficult to understand who one truly is. This can be especially true for those who discover their autism later in life. “

I took this in and figured OK,drop the mask, understand my own traits. develop a sense of self-identity and shape it to one that is experiencing a more harmonious life.

Cue significant increases in complexity and variety of experience...

Now, as I mentioned earlier, I have rarely been able to simply accept an easy satisfactory solution when instead I could spend ages working hard to get to a way that is better than satisfactory.

So far so good then Blush

Except that it is such hard work!!! 

Now I suspect that I may not be the only one experiencing this.

And it is said that hard work is best shared and I believe this to be true.

So, I’m asking you good people if you too are on the trail of finding self-identity after “late diagnosis”?

If you are, how do you go about it best please?  Any tips from experience that might be shared?  Is this worth discussing? 

Thanks :-) 

Parents

  • I was confused at first as I didn't understand quite how I was different - I had thought everyone thought and felt pretty much like I did. Then I found a book called "A field guide to earthlings - an autistic /asperger view of neurotypical behaviour" by Ian Ford. This explained the differences between NT and autistic minds and helped me to work out which of my behaviours were " learned", or copied, and which were me.Sometimes you need to mask to a certain extent to cope with certain situations, but everyone does.

    I made a conscious effort to do only what felt comfortable to me, which has been helped by me retiring last year. I feel more authentic now.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you for your response   I appreciate your recommendation on the book and have ordered it for delivery on Wednesday. I have so far tried 2 books on autism.  Looking at the one you recommend I think the humour and perspective it takes may be different to these and perhaps more suitable for me to learn from too.   :-)  Yes masking is necessary - however especially as one grows more mature the desire to do so grows less - ideally at the same rate as ones need to declines also.  As by necessity I am still in the world of employment being comfortable has some distinct challenges - in fact it is work related stress as an autistic person that i find most difficult which I believe you imply?  Please accept my best wishes for being authentic for a long and comfortable time :-)

  • in reply to Phased

    You are welcome,  

    Yes, work was the most challenging area of my life and I was extremely relieved to be able to retire a couple of years early. I agree that as one ages, the ability and desire to continue masking can deteriorate, but unfortunately by that age we usually have many learned default responses that we've always done to get by, which can be difficult to change.

    I wish you luck with your journey.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Good luck to you too    -/\-  :-)

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