I’m asking you good people if you too are on the trail of finding self-identity after “late diagnosis”? If you are, can you share how you go about it best please?

Hello Good People Blush

I have been carried around the sun 62 times and I haven't got the hang of knowing how best to do me yet.  Late diagnosis of autism has added to the experience!

I suggest a discussion how learning is how to "do themselves" best as masking and lack of self understanding is removed.  With apologies to those who may be thinking "what that again?"

Here's why.

(- a lot of this is about me so please skip it and go straight to the discussion questions at the end  if you've already got the idea!)

Now, I have rarely been able to simply accept an easy satisfactory solution when instead I could spend ages working hard to a way that is better than satisfactory.  As Muddy Waters put it “I just can’t be satisfied.”

Maybe the cause for me to end up seeming to make unnecessarily hard work of life!

Anyway, along the way I associated myself with some of the traits displayed and described in representations of autistic people.

When I picked at the problem of finding life being unbearably hard work I latched on to learning that there is increased vulnerability of autistic adults to negative life events can be linked to challenges in social interaction, communication, and sensory processing, making them such people susceptible to adverse situations. 

I figured that could explain my experience of life.

I also learned that while autism is primarily believed to have a strong genetic component, experience can significantly alter brain development in individuals with autism, potentially impacting the expression and severity of autistic traits. Specifically, adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) can exacerbate autistic symptoms and lead to other psychiatric disorders by altering brain structure and function

I figured that could explain it too.

So on a self-directed basis I picked the idea that perhaps I was autistic.   

I picked so hard at this idea that I have had an ASD diagnosis for the past 3 and a half years.

If you are wondering, yes, the image I am making is like picking at a scab on a wound (sorry if too graphic).    I figure masking and lack of understanding of autistic traits could be metaphorically associated to a scab on a wound. 

As NAS put it:

“Some autistic individuals may struggle with self-identity due to masking and a lack of understanding of their own autistic traits. Masking, the conscious or unconscious suppression of autistic traits to fit in, can make it difficult to understand who one truly is. This can be especially true for those who discover their autism later in life. 

I took this in and figured OK,drop the mask, understand my own traits. develop a sense of self-identity and shape it to one that is experiencing a more harmonious life.

Cue significant increases in complexity and variety of experience...

Now, as I mentioned earlier, I have rarely been able to simply accept an easy satisfactory solution when instead I could spend ages working hard to get to a way that is better than satisfactory.

So far so good then Blush

Except that it is such hard work!!! 

Now I suspect that I may not be the only one experiencing this.

And it is said that hard work is best shared and I believe this to be true.

So, I’m asking you good people if you too are on the trail of finding self-identity after “late diagnosis”?

If you are, how do you go about it best please?  Any tips from experience that might be shared?  Is this worth discussing? 

Thanks :-) 

Parents
  • This is the process I am currently working through, it is not so easy to unpick after decades of masking. I don’t have any expert advice I’m afraid as I am still in the thick of it. Slowly I am trying to work out what parts are authentic and what is not. I have developed a bit of an identity board to see if I can try and map things out a bit. Understanding your values and priorities was pretty useful at least to me as a bit of a backbone. A lot of things I thought was me, especially traits seem to be Autistic things….which confirms further. I guess a lot will come with time and getting used to things. A lot is still new to me….good luck.

  • Thank you for your wish of good luck and your considered response too    I am especially drawn to your comment about an identity board as I too constructed one a few weeks ago.  I would like to share what I found most interesting from this process if that is OK?  I considered what I am conscious of from an internal and external perspective - including my sensory experience and my experience of thoughts, feelings and behaviours.  From this I reflected that there are both conscious and subconscious experiences that affect all this.  So I then thought is there such a thing as "super-conscious" and googled it.  It turns out that I am not the first to have thought of this question.  :-) It seems perhaps that one's subconscious is more related to the past and the super-conscious to the future.  In one of the models of it I found that it is the superconscious that fuels the willpower to create one's future.  Getting used to being able to exercise willpower to a happier future unburdened by past experiences is quite a challenge and perhaps the hardest thing to get used to.  Good luck to you too :-)

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  • Thank you for your wish of good luck and your considered response too    I am especially drawn to your comment about an identity board as I too constructed one a few weeks ago.  I would like to share what I found most interesting from this process if that is OK?  I considered what I am conscious of from an internal and external perspective - including my sensory experience and my experience of thoughts, feelings and behaviours.  From this I reflected that there are both conscious and subconscious experiences that affect all this.  So I then thought is there such a thing as "super-conscious" and googled it.  It turns out that I am not the first to have thought of this question.  :-) It seems perhaps that one's subconscious is more related to the past and the super-conscious to the future.  In one of the models of it I found that it is the superconscious that fuels the willpower to create one's future.  Getting used to being able to exercise willpower to a happier future unburdened by past experiences is quite a challenge and perhaps the hardest thing to get used to.  Good luck to you too :-)

Children
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