Diagnosis confusion

Just wanted to ask if anyone is willing to share their experiences post diagnosis of autism? 
It’s been 5 days since it was confirmed for me and 8 days since my assessment. I’m now obsessed with gathering information about people post diagnosis experiencing doubt and trying to play down your own challenges? I was told the outcome on Thursday because of the terrible state I was in and that there was no doubt as they put it, why am I beating myself up like this. Although I am relieved to hear I’m neurodivergent my mind is all over the place and I’m unable to make sense of it all. I’m creating stories in my head about people’s reactions and overthinking what they will think of me. I wish I didn’t care but I obviously do. I’m actually getting on my own nerves now with these ongoing repetitive thoughts.

My wife doesn’t even know yet as I have gone through this process alone. Although I’m told I can be a little strange and not very sociable (among many other things) she flatly refused to talk about it a few years ago. She invalidates me constantly and for that reason I have not shared that I was even having an assessment. 

I feel really stuck and I’m unsure where I go from here, I understand it is very early days and this may take quite some time but it’s tough atm.

Thank you for listening 

Take5

Parents
  • I'm sorry to be so upfront but you need to be supported by your partner when you are going through such a difficult time. Of she cant deal with your struggles, perhaps its more detrimental to you to stay with her than it would be to leave

  • Please don’t apologise JessOnTheSpectrum I appreciate a direct approach. 
    Yes a partnership should be based on being supportive towards each other. My relationship is past the point of rescue and I don’t want someone to have to change themselves to accommodate me, let them be themselves and I can eventually move on and be myself without being shamed in front of others and my family. 
    I have avoided escape so far as it always felt very scary and was complicated. It’s always going to bet that so I am wasting time now and need to be stronger in order to carry this out. 

    I am in a very controlling relationship which has not been good for my health for many many years, I actually realise this now.

    Take care Jess

Reply
  • Please don’t apologise JessOnTheSpectrum I appreciate a direct approach. 
    Yes a partnership should be based on being supportive towards each other. My relationship is past the point of rescue and I don’t want someone to have to change themselves to accommodate me, let them be themselves and I can eventually move on and be myself without being shamed in front of others and my family. 
    I have avoided escape so far as it always felt very scary and was complicated. It’s always going to bet that so I am wasting time now and need to be stronger in order to carry this out. 

    I am in a very controlling relationship which has not been good for my health for many many years, I actually realise this now.

    Take care Jess

Children
  • I'm sorry to hear its been so challenging for you. I'm aware that we should accept people for who they are and not expect them to change, but when you married eachother you promise to be there for eachother through the highs and lows, and I don't think its asking someone to change themselves to accommodate such a big life experience and ask for support. You do not sound very happy with your situation, and more just "putting up with it" which is sad. You deserve to be loved, cared and supported