Misinterpretation

Never a day goes by when I don't do something that I believe someone wants me to do, only to find they didn't and I'm actually treading on their toes.

I try to be helpful and productive. I'm sure you guys can relate how keeping busy can distract you and stop you from overthinking everything.

I will be told by someone, "I've done X Y Z even before you've done one thing". This is often just a statement and not necessarily a criticism - just a fact. So, I try to be helpful, to ease some of the burden. However, I get told things like, "I don't need you to do that! I'm perfectly capable!" I tend to get annoyed by this.

I know part of the problem is that I don't have a set routine. I will lurch from task to task with a sense that "this might not be the right thing to do, but it feels right to at least do something". So, it feels hurtful when what I do is either wrong, unnecessary and/or half-cocked. I do things at the wrong time, in the wrong way or do something that wasn't required. Then, if I do nothing, thinking "those that do nothing make no mistakes", im told I am being lazy. It feels like a lose/lose situation.

Sometimes I will do a task that feels right to me, not thinking about what the other person wants, but instead thinking "they will like this" or "it's not the same, but it's a good alternative". I'm told that I should communicate if I'm unsure of doing something. It makes the other person think i am selfish. Yet, in my head, I was sure, or at least as sure as I'm going to be sure (nothing is ever 100%. I'm always doubting myself).

I know it's down to misinterpretation. I can often see what needs doing, but worry that I'm doing it at the wrong time or in the wrong way.

Does misinterpreting people affect your daily life like this?

overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U ) 2 months ago in reply to Gordon-not-Ramsay

How would you like it if.....

What do you think about this....

You might not particularly care for the answer that comes out, but you've made the next step a collaboration which should rule out some misunderstandings.
Gordon-not-Ramsay 2 months ago in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U )

It's true. I've read time and again about bad communication. It's like trying to fill the blanks, but the blanks are often many and too big. So, when you try to those blanks in, you're left with something that is so far out of its original context it becomes something completely different. That makes the other person confused, angry, upset.

I know full well how a simple (for most) matter of communicating helps to reduce (or hopefully eliminate) those blanks. It's a struggle because - at least in my warped view - it feels like you're being a dummy for asking to explain something seemingly so straightforward.

Add to that the difficult of reading expressions and body language and it can really feel like the other person thinks you're on another planet!
overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U ) 2 months ago

NEVER try to predict what someone else may be thinking or wanting. It always goes wrong.

I spend so much time over-thinking scenarios in which I could potentially help others, help myself, make lives better, more bearable - by trying to figure out and imagine what another person might be planning & then almost trying to pre-empt it, if that makes sense.

It's a ridiculous pattern. It doesn't work. You almost build yourself up into feeling good about scenarios you've created - you set yourself up for continual falls this way.

The way forward is to actually communicate - and Autistic people are notoriously bad at it. Sorry for anyone reading this who thinks differently, but it is true. I am generalising - there are exceptions. But (we) don't talk to others and we don't hear others. Even other Autistic people.

Are we so wrapped up in our own worlds that it doesn't get considered enough ? That's part of it.

I'm rambling here & I need to stop. I know what I wanted to say & I'm in danger of going off at a huge tangent.

Don't just believe someone wants something, ask first. All will be better if you do. Surprises aren't great (the constructed ones).