Hello everyone
I wish I'd done this before. I have a daughter, Phoebe, she's 11 and has Aspergers. She was an Irish dancer from May 2008 until March this year. It was her life. Until she started dancing she couldn't walk down stairs properly and struggled to coordinate her movements. She dedicated herself to her dance and went on to win many medals and several trophies.
The woman who runs the dance school is a difficult person. She doesn't get on well with people so as parents we try to help our children as best we can so they don't get into trouble with her - every parent has had their problems with her at one time or another and many have left because of it.
In March there was a special show after a competition she run annually. There were costumes, hastily made with hats, the majority of which had thin very tight elastic around the neck. One hour before they were due on stage the costumes were being fitted and they tried to get Phoebe to wear one of these hats. The elastic was way too short and the children complained they couldn't cope with it under their chin. There was an alternative hat with cotton under the chin. Phoebe became incredibly distressed, she cannot cope with anything tight around her neck. Due to her distress and the need to sort the costumes out eventually she was given the alternative hat. The dance teacher was not present throughout this.
At the next dance class I tried to approach the teacher to explain what had happened so she could understand Phoebe's condition better. She would not listen to me, kept walking away saying she knew different, it was just bad behaviour. When I persisted she said that unless Phoebe can be the same as everyone else there was no point her coming back. She then called the parents and dancers into the hall and gave a speech about how being a part of a team meant you didn't think of yourself, how 'we can all think we've got a disability' and how she used to teach a child with a brain tumour who didn't complain (apparently it wasn't a tumour but a childhood brain haemorrhage and the child often became distressed). She made a huge fuss of the girl who have Phoebe the hat and kept saying she shouldn't have had to do that and how it spoiled the look of the show. I took Phoebe home after this. She was devastated and in her words, totally humiliated.
A week later the teacher put an offensive remark on my facebook page during a conversation with another mother of a child with AS. When I complained she gave copies of my email to everyone and made a joke of it.
Since then the dancers have blanked Phoebe. The teacher lectured them about loyalty and threatened to take them off her facebook page if they kept me on theirs. None of them have since contacted Phoebe and with the exception of two the parents have turned their back on both of us. Those who still keep in touch do so despite threats and pressure from the teacher and not one would defend us publicly.
I tried the legal route; Disability Discrimination Act but she ignored my letters and a solicitor advised me that to proceed risked high financial cost and putting Phoebe on the witness stand. I knew no one at the dance school would stand up for us because it would mean instant expulsion and more frightening threats from the teacher.
She runs her own association and there is no one to report her to. When I met with our MP and there was a press article about it she actually joined a facebook support group for parents of autistic children, telling the organiser that she was planning something in the future but of course this was just her trying to cover herself.
I have tried to support Phoebe as best I can but the loss of her dance is huge. She has had stress eczema ever since and because of the loss of her friends will not try other irish dance school because she feels its unlucky - more bad things will happen.
It's just when I see the huge support for that poor child who was asked to leave a London Theatre and the momentum this campaign has gained from the efforts of his parents I feel ashamed I could not do more and that this woman is still teaching and risking more damage. Is there anything more I can do? I'm just so sad for her.
I'm sorry this is such a long post. I will try to be shorter in the future!
Thank you for listening
Liz
I do kinda believe in karma with these things and they will get their come uppence eventually believe me.