I told my Mum that my husband believed he has Autism and my Mum said he can’t have as he’s disorganised and untidy, people with Autism are neat organised and methodical. Is this the case that people with ASC are neat, organised and methodical?
I told my Mum that my husband believed he has Autism and my Mum said he can’t have as he’s disorganised and untidy, people with Autism are neat organised and methodical. Is this the case that people with ASC are neat, organised and methodical?
Hello and welcome.
Thank you for asking about this topic and checking about this assumption.
I can be both disorganised / untidy, plus neat / organised (considered by both how I view things and how other people might view the same things).
It depends upon the items / environment, who uses them, whether they are for shared use (or just used by me) ...in which areas of life I can be tidy / untidy.
At work (ultra tidy), shared kitchen (usually tidy - so if not so, something might be a problem for me e.g. a burnout clue). Because that is what it takes for me to feel safe in those shared environments. In areas of the home or garden where I relax and pursue interests or pastimes (...gloriously untidy!). My bookcases and music CDs etc. (ultra tidy). My wardrobe (pretty untidy). And so on.
However, I am also aware that if there are items or an area / environment where I would normally prefer to be tidy and organised - but currently they are not so - that can be a warning that I have become stressed or overwhelmed about something.
I was thinking that, if your husband is OK about understanding his Autism (rather than he feels that he needs support to find out more about Autism), and you were to be OK with everything too; that would all be a good situation (so I would have thought the assumptions other people might have about Autism, however well intentioned, might not be quite applicable to your particular situation).
In my own family, I have unfortunately found that sometimes relatives may only have acquired their understanding about Autism from watching non-Autistic actors playing a role on the TV, or unusual crime stories in the news, or "entertainment" on social media and in films. In that case, I try not to be too critical about their unusual views and then slowly work to help them learn more about actual Autistic people (bit by bit, not loads of information all at once).
However, if I think friends or family are instead saying things when they are trying to socially / politely reassure me about something they believe is worrying me (i e. they are trying to be kind and supportive (but getting that a bit wrong), rather than being willing to talk with me about something factual - which I would have preferred) - then that can be a bit more tricky for me to navigate. In that situation, education is perhaps not the priority - rather, it might be more important for me to find a way to make clearer to them by a different way: my personal perspective and experience of things (and how I hoped they might help me).
For example, one of my older relatives seems to accept that I struggle with noise levels in public places and startling noises indoors ...but they also do not seem able to acknowledge my noise sensitivity is a feature of my being an Autistic person (as though they think their Autism denial mode is somehow kinder to me?). Currently, I am not sure whether (or not) my relative's outlook and behaviour is driven from a place of stigma, lack of awareness, or they are stuck in denial about having an Autistic relative - for some reason. Let us say, it is a work in progress!
In any event, if you find that you / your husband have further questions about Autism - I am confident this community forum is a good place to ask.
The extra thing which makes understanding Autism a bit wider of a subject than people might think at their first thought; is that Autistic people have varied presentations - from one person to another. That is what can make asking the community so helpful (as opposed to e.g. reading one author's book on Autism etc.).
Hello and welcome.
Thank you for asking about this topic and checking about this assumption.
I can be both disorganised / untidy, plus neat / organised (considered by both how I view things and how other people might view the same things).
It depends upon the items / environment, who uses them, whether they are for shared use (or just used by me) ...in which areas of life I can be tidy / untidy.
At work (ultra tidy), shared kitchen (usually tidy - so if not so, something might be a problem for me e.g. a burnout clue). Because that is what it takes for me to feel safe in those shared environments. In areas of the home or garden where I relax and pursue interests or pastimes (...gloriously untidy!). My bookcases and music CDs etc. (ultra tidy). My wardrobe (pretty untidy). And so on.
However, I am also aware that if there are items or an area / environment where I would normally prefer to be tidy and organised - but currently they are not so - that can be a warning that I have become stressed or overwhelmed about something.
I was thinking that, if your husband is OK about understanding his Autism (rather than he feels that he needs support to find out more about Autism), and you were to be OK with everything too; that would all be a good situation (so I would have thought the assumptions other people might have about Autism, however well intentioned, might not be quite applicable to your particular situation).
In my own family, I have unfortunately found that sometimes relatives may only have acquired their understanding about Autism from watching non-Autistic actors playing a role on the TV, or unusual crime stories in the news, or "entertainment" on social media and in films. In that case, I try not to be too critical about their unusual views and then slowly work to help them learn more about actual Autistic people (bit by bit, not loads of information all at once).
However, if I think friends or family are instead saying things when they are trying to socially / politely reassure me about something they believe is worrying me (i e. they are trying to be kind and supportive (but getting that a bit wrong), rather than being willing to talk with me about something factual - which I would have preferred) - then that can be a bit more tricky for me to navigate. In that situation, education is perhaps not the priority - rather, it might be more important for me to find a way to make clearer to them by a different way: my personal perspective and experience of things (and how I hoped they might help me).
For example, one of my older relatives seems to accept that I struggle with noise levels in public places and startling noises indoors ...but they also do not seem able to acknowledge my noise sensitivity is a feature of my being an Autistic person (as though they think their Autism denial mode is somehow kinder to me?). Currently, I am not sure whether (or not) my relative's outlook and behaviour is driven from a place of stigma, lack of awareness, or they are stuck in denial about having an Autistic relative - for some reason. Let us say, it is a work in progress!
In any event, if you find that you / your husband have further questions about Autism - I am confident this community forum is a good place to ask.
The extra thing which makes understanding Autism a bit wider of a subject than people might think at their first thought; is that Autistic people have varied presentations - from one person to another. That is what can make asking the community so helpful (as opposed to e.g. reading one author's book on Autism etc.).
