It's hard to believe

I think it's used less than it used to be, but I currently have 160 feeds in my RSS reader. I've just added this thread to my RSS reader.  I installed  addons.mozilla.org/.../

I think the hardest thing after diagnosis has been actually asking for help, I'm too worried what people will think, I'll have failed and had to seek help, or avoid things I "can't do", so I white knuckle through it.

I've spent my life trying to be strong, I've not done too bad either, in my career I've done pretty well, I've got a wife and kids who I adore, so it's very hard to just one day tell everyone that although I appear fine on the outside and how much I truly so appreciate and love it all, , how hard it is to exist through pretty much every minute of my life, without sounding like I dislike them, dislike work, friends etc. or sounding like I'm making it up.

Therapy  helped me understand that my biggest issue is me. I had spent my life thinking it was everyone else until one day I realised the odds of that being the case were slim and I was the common denominator. I don't know how to relax, have a bit of faith, trust and enjoy life, rather than  second guessing, analysing and being paranoid about every minute.

Things that happened way back in school years still haunt me, i think they drive a lot of my current massive trust issues, as I'm still expecting the same things to happen, being let down etc. Even though it doesnt happen.

I so wish I could let go of all that , it's exhausting and leaves me feeling anxious and depressed most of the time, rather than enjoying it.

Unknown said:

I'm not bold or brave enough to be an autism/disability/mental health advocate

You are doing it in your own way - that is something to be proud of.

As an aside, is RSS still on the go? I don't recall seeing this in a very long time.

doing what you have /are makes you an advocate in my mind :-) More power to your elbow!  best is all relative in time and space - in my job I've spent a lot of time imagining people can get better when they don't much feel like it.  Hehe I've sometimes even been right!  all the best   :-)

This may or may not seem silly. I'm not bold or brave enough to be an autism/disability/mental health advocate. I have however,for near 25 years, spread articles online that may help others. I've done it via the RSS feeds in my RSS reader. It's my way of trying to be helpful, in the best way I am able to.

I owe you a reply  - suffice to say that so much of what you have shared I experience too and empathise.   My suggestion is a bit off the wall, maybe foolish but nonetheless will do it.  I try to think of a reason for why I am here and try to make it a good one.  All the best :-)

I think there's  significantly more help available re neurodiversity and going to college/university, than was the case when I was in my late teens. There was nothing for people like me when I was in school 1961- 1975. I was insightful and intelligent enough to know that  my chance of coping with the non academic side of university was extremely low. That and major EF difficulties were hurdles too difficult to jump over in the mid 1970s. 

I do agree however that when you get past the age when most people go to university, there's a serious lack of help and support. There can however be a lot of character assassination, being regarded as having a defective personality if, like me, you develop a severe mental illness. Struggling without anywhere near sufficient help and support from the (mental) health professionals is damn hard. There's no way I'd have made it to the age of 68, without the support of my late wife, and now my daughter- and granddaughters.

I too suffered from being sent  away to boarding school and remember the day all too vividly. My parents took me to the Grosvenor Hotel in Chester for lunch, then we had a few hours drive to the school, where upon arrival, we were greeted by the headmaster. Then my parents drove away. I remember feeling stunned. I believe the other girls and I were ‘lucky’ as our school was said to be more pastorally minded and nurturing than others, but still I felt traumatised and suffered enduring homesickness. Many of the other girls lived within driving distance of the school  which meant that they saw parents and relatives every few weeks. My journey home involved a flight so visits happened only during school holidays and half terms.

Same here, I'm 50 and if I'd known back then and people were told it'd have been worse. Any difference was exploited by bullies. 

There wasn't a provision for neuro diversity then either, but to be fair from what I've seen recently, there's only really awareness and ability to o diagnose it now, there's little that seems to be available in terms of help once they have.

To be honest I think,like far too many who were late diagnosed, I would've been bullied wherever I went to school.In terms of getting the help and support to thrive as an adult I was born several decades too early.Somehow, more by luck than anything else, I've reached the age of 68.

As Iain and   have said early experiences have a lasting effect - one of the skills attributed to getting older is getting wiser.  There isn't a statute of limitation for learning - including about oneself and being happier.  I think that myself included we are confronted with a few demons from our past and it isn't nice :-)  Mary Poppins is big on empathy and kindness -  this counts for yourself as well as others.  Best wishes  

Flown by under an umbrella perhaps  ? :-)

"The aim of Spartan education was, according to Plutarch ... “to make them obey commands well, endure hardships, and conquer in battle." "

I've recently heard the British Boarding School education system compared to this. 

They're all areas which can drive any caring rational person to tears.

challenging misguiding authority, creating a pleasant and safe environment, preventing war - these all seem better aims for an education system to me -

but then maybe that just shows how little I know

Happy future!

Unknown said:

I've always seen it as decidedly minor in relation to the physical and sexual abuse some have been subjected to

Don't compare your suffering to others as it makes no concession to the impact it had, especially if it happend in you formative years.

As I understand it trauma can come from an accumulation of many similar events over a long period of time or even one big event but the end result is the same.

Unknown said:

a far less pathetic person would have got over it decades ago.

I found out that I was stull suffering from childhood related trauma in my 50s and the defence mechanisms I used to cope were still in evidence 40+ years later.

I regard myself as very resilient but it didn't help me get over the trauma until I started working with a trained psychotherapist who has an autistic family and knows a great deal about it - this really improved my quality of life from these events from my childhood.

That's just my experience - do with it what you will (just a disclaimer in case anyone complains I am offering medical advice).

I have a lot of issues that I can relate back to high school years and the time just after. I often look at the situation and think "it's 30 odd years ago, why am I still bothered?"

But... That time is when we form our personalities and opinions of the world, learn how to deal with (or not) people and situations. it's the first real look at life, so I don't think it's pathetic to not have "got over it" , that time is meant to be burnt into our minds to help us, but unfortunately as some of it was negative that works against us as were stuck with those negative things too.

Nothing positive at all. It's only quite recently that I mentioned the bullying to my care coordinator come depot nurse. She was the one who used the phrase 'bullying related trauma'. I've always seen it as decidedly minor in relation to the physical and sexual abuse some have been subjected to. That a far less pathetic person would have got over it decades ago.

Sorry to hear it was so aweful for you.

Were there any positive experiences, friends or life skills you took from this that you can think of?

Have you worked on the trauma with a therapist yet? This is often very useful in defusing the impact from the trauma response from my personal experience and what I have heard from others.