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carrot or the stick

Hotel california

It's exam season and my youngest is falling apart.  He puts so much pressure on him self that he becomes catatonic when the exam actually comes round.  

I have the feeling that school feel I am too soft and should be more forceful with him, somewhat dismissing his anxiety as something he can switch off at will.  My experience of pushing him does make him internalize his issues, which I consider to be more harmful for him, and don't want him to feel that he cannot come to me with his worries because he feels the outcome will be that I make him do what he can't do, so in his mind what's the point of telling mum.

Question is which approach is the right one.  A strongly feel that a nurturing one is better, but struggle to explain this to tutors who don't have the time and patience to go at the child pace.

  • Hi - you are right, not them.  As a parent who had to deal with autism-unaware staff for a number of years, I can assure you that they can almost make you doubt yourself at times.  It's not, generally speaking, that they have bad intentions, it's that they understand behaviour only in a neurotypical, non-autistic way.  Then they draw their conclusions + advise you from their rationale.  Stick to your guns.  The stick absolutely doesn't work.  It'll do damage.  They should make an effort to educate themselves if funding isn't available for good quality training.  However, they have got to show a willingness to learn.  If you haven't already, check out the home pg + perhaps also look at the ipsea site.  I'm sorry things are so difficult right now.