I looked after my brother as a child carer and we've remained reasonably close over the years. He lives not too far away and eats with my family several times a week. I seldom go to his flat, as he comes to me, but I've realized all is not well.
I've strongly suspected he has Aspergers for many years. His behaviour is obsessional, he has no social skills and can often come across as rude. He's very literal, suffers with sensory overload, he cannot cook for himself and appears to be a social leper. The other day he asked for my help with a plumbing job and I went around to see him.
I arrived on Sunday morning and nearly died with shock. My house is untidy, very untidy at the moment, but his flat was like something from a horror film! Nearly 200 opened unwashed cat food cans on the sideboard, sink, kitchen surfaces and floor. (He only has one cat!) Not to mention paper and dirty laundry strewn everywhere.
A couple of years ago I took him to the GP with depression, but clearly he's severely depressed now. What should I do?
I've never seen such depressing living conditions, no light, no hot water and dust inches thick. I've spoken to him about it and he's passed it off as just being blokish! I even caught him taking 'out of date' food I found in the fridge and had thrown away, back out of the bin!
He knows his brother had Aspergers and i'm convinced he has too, but how do you tell someone who's so closed to the possibility. He doesn't eat properly and clearly isn't looking after himself, but i'm at a loss to know how I should handle this.
I'm happy for him to eat with us more often, but I really cannot take on the care of another adult on top of my two childrens care. My husband says we should pop up once a week to keep a check that he's staying on top of his now clean flat, but I think he needs some greater support. I'm not sure who to ask though. Now his flats clean i'm going up with a friend to fix the hot water issue, but I have a sense he's going to revert back. He told me yesterday he hasn't had a visitor to his home in over five years!
I feel so terribly guilty, because i should have visited him sooner, yet given that his/our brother took his own life with severe depression i don't want to leave it. Is social services the only option? or can I get assistance from another source? Would welcome your thoughts, thank you.
Coogy xx
