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which came first the chicken or the egg?

Hotel california

I am just thinking about why we have anxiety, and at its simplist level the reason seems to be because we are having to conform to social norms.  If no one cares what you did or didn't do, would you suffer from anxiety?  If at some level you didn't care, would you be anxious.

I also think that  some of the behaviour we see in children that seem controlling, ie not eating certain foods, avoiding things, gives them a sense of control over  their environment and can reduce their anxiety, if it is not made to be the focal point that needs correcting, would the intensity diminish naturally? .  In other words it is the one thing that they have found that they have control over.   It has become a source of comfort, which may explain why they will not give it up easily.

Rather than focusing our attention on eliminating the behaviour that is working at some level for our child, should we not instead give them a different focal point that they can control, and maybe their need to engage in the less desirable behaviour will diminish.

Also I wonder if these behaviours are driven by an innate drive for independence that all children are driven to, a genetic driving force.  Having any level of control is an inbuilt requirement for our survival.

Welcome thoughts on this? 

 

Parents

  • I don't want to appear smart or anything but I think it is fair to say that anxiety comes from where it hurts! If your greatest pain comes from being rejected by people you like then the things that make you anxious will have some link back to that.

    Like True Colours most of my anxiety comes from what I feel about myself or situations that bring those feelings to the surface. All the other factors of physical pain, waiting, cost etc are almost trivial compared to the emotional pain I inflict on myself. (Sorry True Colours if I have misread your meaning).

    The other deep emotion is loneliness (other people use different terms). Again I can probably trace quite a lot of anxiety back to this but the links are much less clear.

    For me it is less about nature and nurture and more about the running battle between "ilogical brain whizzing" and "common sence".

    Regarding the hospital visit, can you build in some "fixed points" where you can rest when you have reached a certain stage. Can you plan to travel there a little early and then plan in a cup of coffee sit down before you sign in. You have then broken the day into ywo more managable chunks with a chance to reset in between. Works for me at times but I understand we're all different.

    Dunk 

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  • I don't want to appear smart or anything but I think it is fair to say that anxiety comes from where it hurts! If your greatest pain comes from being rejected by people you like then the things that make you anxious will have some link back to that.

    Like True Colours most of my anxiety comes from what I feel about myself or situations that bring those feelings to the surface. All the other factors of physical pain, waiting, cost etc are almost trivial compared to the emotional pain I inflict on myself. (Sorry True Colours if I have misread your meaning).

    The other deep emotion is loneliness (other people use different terms). Again I can probably trace quite a lot of anxiety back to this but the links are much less clear.

    For me it is less about nature and nurture and more about the running battle between "ilogical brain whizzing" and "common sence".

    Regarding the hospital visit, can you build in some "fixed points" where you can rest when you have reached a certain stage. Can you plan to travel there a little early and then plan in a cup of coffee sit down before you sign in. You have then broken the day into ywo more managable chunks with a chance to reset in between. Works for me at times but I understand we're all different.

    Dunk 

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