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Being ignored by friends

Freckles

Does anybody else feel completely ignored by their friends? I have certain friends that never reach out to me first, it will always be me who has to start the conversations. Whilst I do understand that the majority of people I speak to are neurotypical and have busy work lives I feel that if they truly wanted to be my friend they would try and connect? One friend in particular tends to very rarely post on social media or message people so I tend to try sending messages when they've recently posted things as I know they'll be on their phone, but it can go days or even weeks before I'll even get a response. 
It breaks my heart because it takes two minutes to check in with someone and say hi or to let them know you can't talk right now, and this friend is someone I have known for at least 8 years and they were my best friend in high school. Now I have an odd thing with relationships, I know I can be overwhelming and honestly I feel entitled to be responded to but I've worked on that and rarely message them anymore. I don't push people to respond to me but I really really struggle internally when they don't. 
I don't work myself due to extreme social phobia and mutism, so I think it's hard for me to understand their point of view about being busy. Do I give up on the friendship? Do I try and salvage it? I think it's worth noting that I have told them multiple times how I feel about them not responding and they've apologised and said they will try and be better with it but then there is just no change?

  • If you feel like you're the only person putting effort in, then I would think about whether it is worth it. 

    There are two people in a friendship and you both matter. For one person to only speak to you when they feel like it, or when you reach out to them, is not fair on you. 

    Admittedly it's more nuanced than that with individual circumstances. Clear communication is key, and I would not be ashamed to admit that someone being actively interested in you & your life is important to you.

    I do have a habit of chasing people who don't want to be in my life. Naively I think they'll change their minds or maybe they forgot, but I place all the responsibility on myself (which doesn't help). 

  • Hi April I’m sorry to hear about this situation I can see why your feeling ignored by certain friends when it’s always you reaching out to them not the other way round and when there taking days to reply to you, the way your feeling is valid  like honestly I think I’d also feel ignored if I was in your situation, hope your ok maybe it could be a good idea to try an make some more friends Heart️

  • I'm dealing with that same situation right now. I used to spend so much time with my best friend. And now it can take days for her to respond to my messages. I try not to make a fuss about it because I don't want to alienate her, but I do miss the way things used to be.

    The thing is, with people living full fledged lives like your friend, and people like you and I that don't work or have a lot of social contacts, time kind of moves differently. The autism plays into that too. I've watched people go through changes in their lives that feel like it's all happening so fast to me. While to them I look like I'm standing still. I try to focus on personal growth. At the very least, I don't want to run out of interesting things to talk about when I do get to spend time with someone.

    I think that if you're feeling lonely, you could try to engage with places like here to see if you can meet more people. There's lots of us here looking to make new friends, if you're willing to put yourself out there and take a chance on us.