Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anybody else feel completely ignored by their friends? I have certain friends that never reach out to me first, it will always be me who has to start the conversations. Whilst I do understand that the majority of people I speak to are neurotypical and have busy work lives I feel that if they truly wanted to be my friend they would try and connect? One friend in particular tends to very rarely post on social media or message people so I tend to try sending messages when they've recently posted things as I know they'll be on their phone, but it can go days or even weeks before I'll even get a response. It breaks my heart because it takes two minutes to check in with someone and say hi or to let them know you can't talk right now, and this friend is someone I have known for at least 8 years and they were my best friend in high school. Now I have an odd thing with relationships, I know I can be overwhelming and honestly I feel entitled to be responded to but I've worked on that and rarely message them anymore. I don't push people to respond to me but I really really struggle internally when they don't. I don't work myself due to extreme social phobia and mutism, so I think it's hard for me to understand their point of view about being busy. Do I give up on the friendship? Do I try and salvage it? I think it's worth noting that I have told them multiple times how I feel about them not responding and they've apologised and said they will try and be better with it but then there is just no change?
First and foremost one must cultivate a true feeling of love and kinship with oneself FIRST. if one does not feel this how can another for them? That would be unfair and pathological bond. Also it leaves one open to the flattering of predators.
It is going to sounds trite, but, friends really are like plants in our friendship gardens. Some plants need to left alone more than others, some need more water than others. some, indeed will drown or rut if we water them too much.
How I have come to handle this. I write emails. I write a nice long email about all the things that are interesting in my life and then I edit it down to half the original size. I take the time and energy for them.
If there are friends who just do text I will write the same but in even more edited format for text. again, taking the time and energy for them. I keep things positive and reassuring. there is nothing so good at getting others to run from us as dumping our baggage at their feet. Everyone has their own baggage and that is enough to manage.
Once I've sent these I let it set. leave them alone. let them find me if they feel a resonance and if they don't that is valuable info to know. if 2 months go by I may, just may drop a "hello there.How are you?" just that one line. know when to stop.
Social media is to be avoided if one wishes to have real friends. people on social are NOT our friends. Until youve made a personal connection it is just social media. _STEP AWAY FROM THE 'LIKES'_
More importantly - find real people in the real world and look at them and interact with them. this is a skill that need to be relearned by many people. It is the real, live people in our world that will be the ones saving us from ourselves in the end. Cultivate real friends and water that garden!