Published on 12, July, 2020
My 14 year old son has recently been diagnosed with ASD (Aspergers) we received the diagnosis report from CAMHS 2 weeks ago. In the report it has recommendations for the school to support him. I've spoken to him about this but he doesn't want the support. He masks at school because he doesn't want to be treated differently and doesn't want his peers to know that he has ASD. He struggles going to school and his attendance last year was 30%. It was identified in the report that he struggles being in the classroom as it's too overwhelming so one of the recommendations is for him to work in a small group in a quiet and predictable environment.
He won't even listen to me when I've tried to talk to him about the support and I completely understand why he doesn't want to appear 'different' from his peers but I also want him to be able to cope in school with the correct support in place. I'm not sure where to go from here if I'm honest. As a parent do I go along with his wishes or go against him to ensure he has the support that's recommended?
As it's school holidays I'm not able to contact the school but will arrange a face to face meeting to discuss his diagnosis and needs. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I don't know what to do for the best.
I get where you're coming from—it’s really hard when your kid doesn’t want to stand out. My son was the same way, trying to hide his ASD at school because he didn’t want to be treated differently. We found that starting with small, subtle changes helped. Maybe suggest a quiet spot for just part of the day or some time each week, so it doesn’t feel like a big deal. When school starts again, get in touch with teachers who can ease the process and make the changes gradually. It’s all about balancing what he’s comfortable with and getting him the support he needs.
So a couple of threads here
1) His attendance - Try to reason with him that his poor attendance already makes him different, and if that isn't addressed, rventually the school system will force him into a new branch.
2) He's entitled at 14 to have his opinions listened to and be enacted if at all ppssible. If having some special treatment is hard, try to find more subtle supportive steps.
3) It sounds like he could use more counselling, that he hasn't accepted the assessment's results and doesn't understand that ASD is differnent, not broken.
Are there other ASD kids in school so they can have some informal peer support?
My son did get some support in school but like yours did not want to appear different. We did communicate with SENCO by email and he did not always want the support. Having the diagnosis helped for days when he was too anxious to attend. If he does not want the help you can still communicate any concerns in the background in the hope that this helps staff understand. My son was offered exams in smaller rooms which at first he rejected but then agreed to try and in the end was glad to have this. For him where possible it was important to get help where it wasn't obvious.