Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else get the feeling they they are literally from another planet , particularly since my diagnosis 3 yrs ago , I guess I just used to keep going but and things have happened in life trauma etc I just feel like I don't fit in any longer, I can't understand people and why they say and do what they do most of the time . Naturally I'm an introvert anyway, life recently is a complete engima to me , I wonder if it will improve ever or I will always feel this way, it doesn't win me any friends and can frustrate my wife at times because she does need other people in her life as maybe I should as well but the older I get the less I care , to me it is trival and much prefer the company of my Cats and Dogs, I understand their behaviour. I would welcome and further insights on this please.
When I was very young (6-7 years old) I genuinely thought I was an alien. It wasn't make believe, I actually thought it. I was different, didn't fit in, and didn't seem to understand basic aspects of social interaction and behaviour that were automatic to everyone else. I thought I was part of some government program to integrate aliens into human society and that everyone (e.g. parents and teachers) knew this but wouldn't tell me.
Anyway, after decades of studying humans and trying to learn their behaviour so that I can fit in, I have ended up just isolating myself and avoiding most interaction because it's the easiest choice. I guess my best efforts were not good enough, but I have to prioritise my own happiness instead of trying to appease everyone and put on this exhausting act.
Paper said:I thought I was part of some government program to integrate aliens into human society and that everyone (e.g. parents and teachers) knew this but wouldn't tell me.
That is absolutely fascinating! I thought this world is not real and I thought it’s all just a game of characters, I wasn’t sure if me and others are real. I wasn’t sure if what I perceive is real or just my imagination. I wondered how others see things and if they think the same as me but seeing them acting I thought they must be different than me. I also didn’t and it turns out in some cases still don’t understand the social dynamics.
Paper said:I have to prioritise my own happiness instead of trying to appease everyone and put on this exhausting act.
I’ve done same thing. I care only to not deliberately hurt anyone and generally have peace with others - whenever possible (not always) but it’s ok. Stopped being people pleaser and it’s really liberating.