Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I was recently diagnosed with autism at the age of 55. I’ve spent many years masking and hiding away from people. I struggle with communicating but eventually when I get to know people I’m more comfortable with it. I’m still trying to understand it and what it means for the future after years of hiding from it
Welcome. I got late diagnosed as well.
I developed a number of coping strategies before I even knew I might be autistic, and looking back on it, I basically created a life for myself where I am protected from sensory overload and avoid social situations. This allowed me to be happy for the first time in decades, after a life of struggle and not being able to cope with the demands of life.
I still wonder if it's bad because I have completely isolated myself, live alone, have no friends, and never interact with anyone. But it was my choice to do that because of repeatedly having issues around social interaction and failing at it and becoming depressed and demoralised no matter how hard I tried. Due to having undiagnosed autism for so long and not having any support, I got Pavlovian conditioned into avoiding all the situations that I struggle with.
When I had my diagnosis I was told I should try to seek out groups for people with autism, but it doesn't seem like there are any near where I live, and it's also not the sort of thing I like doing (interacting with strangers in groups!). The doctor told me I would find "people like me" and that I would find it easier to talk to them.