Monotone & Monoface

My Nan told me recently that it’s really hard to know what emotions I’m feeling by looking at my face, and my mum says that she never knows how I’m feeling until it’s ‘too late’ and I react strongly to something - this has always thrown me though because I often think how I’m feeling is really obvious!!

I was told.my voice was monotone though I don't see it myself. Also I getodd facial expressions when I am in danger or when I am extremely scared... Odd in that outwardly I smile as if nothing is happening which often confused people who tried to threaten me!  

Also what surprized me grratly is the internal mess I was in during the last burnout/breakdown (Never been assessed by doctors as they said it was the same autism people I would see and took years to be assessed ans breakdown was not even mentioned)... And what amazed me was that outwardly I gave no signs as when months later I visited the store I worked in as a customer and they said they had no idea! No one even knew which made it worse for me because no one then believes you when one needs help. (I did have some idicators like one forgetting how to walk and had to learn again. I was like a newly born calf! And I kept ending on the floor with shutowns but people get used to that, and as my walking starts to look like I am drunk before I go down strangers stay clear of me thinking Iam drunk, so I get no help which actually is good as someone making a fuss delays recovery.

For decades I had been telling certain doctors this and I was told it was normal, yet I never met others (Apart from my niece who has never been assessed and was completely non-verbal even at home, until the age of five or six when she was given lessons to make her talk) who get the same problems. (Her step sister was told she needed an assessment by the school and doctors booked it in when she was three yesrs old and she had thr assessment just before she went into secondary school as despite her intelligence, she could not readnor write and schools were not allowed to help her without being diagnosed, and waiting lists were years and years long which is why she reached secondary school not being able to read or write. A very bright  and quick minded ntelligent girl in some ways but does not see the dangers of her actions in others. Brother and his ex were under so much presure they spend £5,000 loan to get her privately assessed which was a few hours on the train to travel each way over many montjs and she was diagnosed to then find the education athority refused a private diagnoses so she had more years to wait with parents in debt before she was assessed (With the same results) so she could get helpnin school. She was 13 the last time I saw het and came excitedly to me to show how she could now write six letter words! Sadly her Mum wen off with someone else which is why I lost contact. All other children I do see as they live with his first wife or live with him. 

It goes to show how much of an impact on peoples future long waiting lists have in Wales, and that is just with assessments. I dont know what to do as for thr last six years I need teeth removed and the whole of north and mid Wales has no dentists. Was in South Wales where they said I needed to be autism assessed first to gonon the 4 year waiting list to have my teeth rermoved (Wore them out via tooth grinding in my sleep when I was bullied at work), sonit took four and a half year wait to be assessed which involved relocating as otherwize it would have been longer, and now I have been assessed I have no dentist!

I was told.my voice was monotone though I don't see it myself. Also I getodd facial expressions when I am in danger or when I am extremely scared... Odd in that outwardly I smile as if nothing is happening which often confused people who tried to threaten me!  

Also what surprized me grratly is the internal mess I was in during the last burnout/breakdown (Never been assessed by doctors as they said it was the same autism people I would see and took years to be assessed ans breakdown was not even mentioned)... And what amazed me was that outwardly I gave no signs as when months later I visited the store I worked in as a customer and they said they had no idea! No one even knew which made it worse for me because no one then believes you when one needs help. (I did have some idicators like one forgetting how to walk and had to learn again. I was like a newly born calf! And I kept ending on the floor with shutowns but people get used to that, and as my walking starts to look like I am drunk before I go down strangers stay clear of me thinking Iam drunk, so I get no help which actually is good as someone making a fuss delays recovery.

For decades I had been telling certain doctors this and I was told it was normal, yet I never met others (Apart from my niece who has never been assessed and was completely non-verbal even at home, until the age of five or six when she was given lessons to make her talk) who get the same problems. (Her step sister was told she needed an assessment by the school and doctors booked it in when she was three yesrs old and she had thr assessment just before she went into secondary school as despite her intelligence, she could not readnor write and schools were not allowed to help her without being diagnosed, and waiting lists were years and years long which is why she reached secondary school not being able to read or write. A very bright  and quick minded ntelligent girl in some ways but does not see the dangers of her actions in others. Brother and his ex were under so much presure they spend £5,000 loan to get her privately assessed which was a few hours on the train to travel each way over many montjs and she was diagnosed to then find the education athority refused a private diagnoses so she had more years to wait with parents in debt before she was assessed (With the same results) so she could get helpnin school. She was 13 the last time I saw het and came excitedly to me to show how she could now write six letter words! Sadly her Mum wen off with someone else which is why I lost contact. All other children I do see as they live with his first wife or live with him. 

It goes to show how much of an impact on peoples future long waiting lists have in Wales, and that is just with assessments. I dont know what to do as for thr last six years I need teeth removed and the whole of north and mid Wales has no dentists. Was in South Wales where they said I needed to be autism assessed first to gonon the 4 year waiting list to have my teeth rermoved (Wore them out via tooth grinding in my sleep when I was bullied at work), sonit took four and a half year wait to be assessed which involved relocating as otherwize it would have been longer, and now I have been assessed I have no dentist!