Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't know whether it's because I'm not a pure autistic person, I also have severe mental illness, but I find it hard to fit in here. Others here seem to have no difficulty bonding with each other, and chatting like they've known each other for many years. That's a great social skill to have., but one I don't have. For want of a better phrase I'd say other posters here are 'socially adept' in a way I'll never be. They lead far more high powered lives.
They have/have had good careers . Have good academic qualifications. I never had a paid job, and only did a bit of voluntary work. My academic qualifications stopped at 6 O levels. I've never pursued further education due to bullying related trauma. I have to have a lot of practical support because of poor adaptive functioning ability.
Good afternoon firemonkey,
I think you raise a really important point here - but also like you say......"words" are tricky on this subject.....I'm not sure I will be able to summon the right ones to convey a point that (frankly) I can't really explain to myself either!!
Whether you like it or not, whether you have noticed or not, and whether you care or not.......and for a reason that escapes my understanding.....I actually do feel kinda "bonded" and "friended" with you......plus a whole bundle of other contributors here who probably would be equally "weirded-out" by such a proclamation from me.
I am not telling you this to try and make you feel "better" or "less lonely" because I have no idea whether either of those terms apply to you, and even if they did, I would suspect that you might view me as "too normal" or "too easy with words" for these particular words to mean anything "real."
I do feel that I have made some "friends" here.....but perhaps (and I certainly feel that) most don't REALLY "feel" me as a friend, by my own definition, either!?........although I couldn't express that definition in words if I tried!
I think this gets to the heart of the matter....perhaps?! You feel you have no connections here, yet I feel connected to you?! We both have the same problem, albeit that our perceptions are diametrically opposed to each other....and yet the same?! WTAF?
Anyway, I don't want to get bogged down in my own words here......I will drown us both.....I just wanted to say that, for what its worth......I do "feel" you as someone who I am connected with......but have no idea why, how, nor how one could "formalise" that arrangement, if you so chose.....I have zero interest in building a network of "formal friends" in this place (in the publicized sense)......and rest assured that IRL I have, perhaps, 1 friend.....who incidentally, I have neither seen, written to, nor spoken to, in 2024.
I think this "whole matter" is just a very troublesome and a VERY real part of autism.
Your friend / mate / someone who cares whether you are happy or not / who notices if you are around or not / who watches out for your contributions here / a person who KNOWS you to be a bright cookie etc
Number.
In my case it's not an issue/problem that's exclusive to here, not by any means. I've never been the most socially skilled of people. I'm naturally quite, but not wholly, asocial. I like some F2F interaction with others, but attempts to be more social have been varying degrees of a failure. I do have a great 'chosen' family, what I like to call my 'chosen' family. There are no friends however, and little chance of there being any in the foreseeable future.Physically I can't put myself out there to even attempt to socialise. I've not been out on my own since 2 falls in October 2021 and a partial hip replacement in December 2021.It took 7 weeks to get suitable transport to have an x ray that showed I'd broken my femur, and that the pain was real not psychological. I still get quite a bit of pain and use a rollator more often than not. Being upright for more than 15 minutes or so, and bad pain kicks in . I'm very risk avoidant, as another fall, with my premature osteoporosis, would be disastrous.I had to move from where I was to here(ground floor kitchen-living room-diner for the over 55s), because a 1st floor flat was no longer suitable .
firemonkey said:I do have a great 'chosen' family, what I like to call my 'chosen' family
.....then in my opinion, you are GOLDEN sir......especially if there are also weird-ass entities like me who also feel connected with you. Always take the win!
Best and kindest regards