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Hi am New, scared and overwhelmed

Oatcakes

Hi

 

I am steeling my self to collect my twin boys from the school bus  . Our current situation is we have an appointment with Cahms next month to discuss one sons behaviour and my partner (his Dad) is ringing to arrange an adult assessment today as we have always suspected HFA type issues and he is currently very depressed and anxious.

DS just screams at me for about 15 mins everytime I collect him from school..it feels relentless and I am not dreading the 'looks' and feelings of being judged. As parents we don't shout or hit..we follow the positive parenting guidelines to the max yet everyday it's the same. 

I feel so sad as my son is clearly unhappy and frustrated and every day feels a battle to try and keep him positive. He is having issues with anger at school too and the teacher is at a loss because she can see he's 'not a bad child and you are doing everything you can as his parents'.

I so want to help him through this but as he is coming to the end of his 1st school year I can see that this is beyond us as a family and we need further advice. He's not going to settle in unless more measures are implemented so cahms it has to be.

I feel so low and useless..I wish I could do it all myself and make it better for him. He seems so confused about what is expected of him and hates 'all the people talking all the time..it really bugs me mummy'.

Ah well better go and get my little chaps..thanks for listening.

J

x

 

 

Parents

  • Hello Oatcakes

    Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch.  I havent been through exactly the same (ie relentless screaming) but I have been through my son being unhappy and frustrated at home and at school.

    We eventually ended up setting up our own school for children with autism here in Oldham, as we couldnt find a placement that really understood him and met his needs.  Your son's teacher sounds understanding - which is good.

    You havent said whether your son has a statement of Special Educational Needs - if not, that may be something that could help as it looks at a child's needs and what sort of educational placement may be best to meet the child's needs.

    The other thing that helped us as a family was an autism intervention that helps parents to help their children develop better social understanding, improve their emotional regulation and work on the rigidity that is at the heart of autism.  We are now using the principles and practice from this intervention in our teaching approach at school.

    What I like about this intervention is that it doesnt use external 'therapists' (like many other interventions) - the whole purpose is to help parents to help their children.  It enabled myself and my husband to become better parents and enabled us all to communicate better as a family.  You can read about it here if you'd like to know any more: www.rdiconnect.com

    If your son is saying ''all the people talking all the time..it really bugs me mummy" this may be a clue that too many demands are being made on him and/or he is having difficulty processing lots of information (the different people talking) at once.  Both of these difficulties are common in autism....my son has experienced both of those difficulties, and still does, although this has improved over time thanks to our work at home and at school.

    I'm sure other people will also offer their experience of what's worked for them.  I hope that is a helpful start.

    Zoe

Reply

  • Hello Oatcakes

    Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch.  I havent been through exactly the same (ie relentless screaming) but I have been through my son being unhappy and frustrated at home and at school.

    We eventually ended up setting up our own school for children with autism here in Oldham, as we couldnt find a placement that really understood him and met his needs.  Your son's teacher sounds understanding - which is good.

    You havent said whether your son has a statement of Special Educational Needs - if not, that may be something that could help as it looks at a child's needs and what sort of educational placement may be best to meet the child's needs.

    The other thing that helped us as a family was an autism intervention that helps parents to help their children develop better social understanding, improve their emotional regulation and work on the rigidity that is at the heart of autism.  We are now using the principles and practice from this intervention in our teaching approach at school.

    What I like about this intervention is that it doesnt use external 'therapists' (like many other interventions) - the whole purpose is to help parents to help their children.  It enabled myself and my husband to become better parents and enabled us all to communicate better as a family.  You can read about it here if you'd like to know any more: www.rdiconnect.com

    If your son is saying ''all the people talking all the time..it really bugs me mummy" this may be a clue that too many demands are being made on him and/or he is having difficulty processing lots of information (the different people talking) at once.  Both of these difficulties are common in autism....my son has experienced both of those difficulties, and still does, although this has improved over time thanks to our work at home and at school.

    I'm sure other people will also offer their experience of what's worked for them.  I hope that is a helpful start.

    Zoe

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