Feeling Lonely / Looking for Friends

I can relate and understand that sometimes we can find it really difficult to be social but still want to be socialise and have friends.

I also hope the best for you.

I'm happy to be friends with you and yes I do understand. I get very lonely at times, it can be really difficult because a part of my craves friends and social interaction but my anxiety dreads it. What a difficult situation lol, it's so weird how I can want it but still be so anxious about it.

I hope things will improve for you and you'll be able to make some friends.

DrewDoug said:

It's really tricky. I feel like it's as if I'm deaf and want to learn to sing.

Excellently put. I often feel this, myself.

DrewDoug said:

I can't seem to have friendships. I feel like I don't understand adulthood friendships.

This is the exact same for me as well. I get on far better with children than I do adults, even now, nearly in my thirties.

I find adults complex lol.

Hello PurpleLily, 

I hope you're well :) 

I haven't got the best experience for going out socialising, but I've found that doing my hobbies and if able, trying to join clubs/societies that other people share similar interests. I enjoy photography, space and coin collecting. 

I am unsure what your job is, and if there is any scope for socialising with colleagues. 

All the best. 

Thats a good idea, i will try that, thanks.

It's a difficult one because my approach of meeting people through the internet has been very hit and miss.

I think utilising this forum is a good start though, hopefully you'll be comfortable enough to reach out to someone.

Maybe make a post in 'introduce yourself' talking about yourself and your hobbies & interests if you haven't already?

That makes a lot sense. Honestly im sure exactly what i want, i just want to have someone to talk to and spend time with. It would nice if we shared similar interests and ideas too. 
But i have no idea how to actually find other people. I dont have many opportunities to socialise much and when i do meet people, i dont know how to act.

Thanks for taking the time to reply and share your experience. I feel like I relate to all of this a lot, im also struggling with anxiety and depression and i feel like its gotten worse lately. Lately i have been focusing all of my limited energy on studying and now that i just finished school, im starting to feel the issues of neglecting other parts of my life including my mental health and needs for social interaction. 
I have different strugles with both irl interaction as well as online. In face to face interactions, i often spend too much time focusing on trying to focus on things like facial expressions or eye contact and it’s difficult to focus so i dont know how to act. But online, i have a similar issue to you, i think, I usually spend too much time thinking if i should message them or wait for them to do it first, or how much to say.

Anyways, sorry for the long text. I accepted your friend request and i would love to chat with you sometimes if would be interested.

Yes, I feel as if other people have some other means of communication, like telepathy, that I’m deaf and blind to, and I just can’t work around that no matter how hard I try.

I think the main advice I would give is to ask yourself exactly what would be right for you when it comes to friendships.

In the past, I was too mechanical when it came to friendships and was trying too hard. As a result, I ended up straining pretty much every friendship I had. I think I cared too much about what a friendship should be, compared with what feels right to me.

Like, don't get me wrong, there are things which are important to me. You want people who align with your values, that you feel you have things in common with, and don't drain your energy. I'm sure you'll find that with time.

This is very relatable for many of us here on this forum, I think. 

In terms of dealing with loneliness, I really can't give much advice, as I struggle too. I have found that simply being honest and open about how you feel with others and with yourself can offer many more opportunities for interaction and support, at least online, but that doesn't make the loneliness go away in as much as it just helps you feel less alone (hopefully that makes sense haha). The worst thing one can do when they feel lonely is hide themselves away from everyone and everything, at least in my experience.

As for actually making and keeping friends, I honestly have no idea. Personally I struggle a lot with anxiety and depression, which affects how I interact with others and how often I do so. Sometimes I'll feel too tired and depress to check in on people and feel anxious and guilty when I am ready to do so again, which usually results in me either being too afraid to message them first and waiting in vain for a new message, or only sending one small message asking if they're ok and then giving up. Don't know if you have a similar issue. I also believe there are supposed to be sites similar to dating sites that are just meant to find people that share your interests, but I have no experience with those. Ironically, I have made the occasional friend through actual dating sites though, but using such sites also gave a massive blow to my mental health in exchange, so I wouldn't recommend. 

I'll send you a friend request if you'd like, with absolutely no pressure on you to accept if you don't want to. It might not be the same as having people around you irl that you can consider friends, but at least talking with other neurodivergent/autistic people on this site can make you feel more supported and less alienated, at least from my experience so far. 

Yeah, i feel really similar. For me, in social situations, i always feel like im forgetting something, like there is this mystery or secret language and social rules that everyone one else knows, but im in the dark and i have no idea what is going on. I also never know if anyone wants to actually be friends or not so i just assume they dont like me.

Yes I've got some very good advice. Send Mark a message and make friends with him. He's a lovely, beautiful, sweet person; my friend told me that. So if you're in Scotland, or long distance relationships aren't a problem, my advice is to make friends with Mark.

Same.

It's really tricky. I feel like it's as if I'm deaf and want to learn to sing.

It's a fundamental paradox that affects most of us.

I can't seem to have friendships. I feel like I don't understand adulthood friendships.