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xmas and family

Hotel california

Over the last year my son has been in regular contact with his father.  They have met several times and things appear to being okay.  My son now wants to visit his father over the xmas period.  Sadly his father has said that this is not possible as they still have many bridges to mend and the father says he doesn't really know his son well enough.  

Our son is confused by this as correspondence over the years have always said how much the father loves, misses and is always there for him should he ever need it.

If anything I would have thought that the father would welcome this hand of friendship as it were and it would have helped mend many bridges.    His response has angered and upset our son (rightly so) and if anything has severely damaged the fragile relationship they do have.

I'm just wondering if there might be more going on that I'm not seeing.  Is it possible that the father doesn't think he will be able to cope and has therefore put this barrier up?    How do I help them both get back on track?

Welcome any thoughts on this.

  • Hi again, then in my opinion what's happened is inexcusable.

  • He told his father that he only wanted to see his new home and maybe stay for half an hour or so.  Time and day to suit his father within a 4 day window, which is the time he would be down in the area.   Sadly events are escalating as now my son is checking that their paths don't cross during other family gatherings during that time.  

  • Hi - without knowing any of you at all it's difficult to pin things down, altho I can certainly understand the distress this has caused and you have my sympathies, especially at Christmas.  A few thoughts occurred : was your son's request short notice for his dad?  Maybe he'd made other plans and doesn't want to say?  Maybe he would genuinely find it difficult if it was for a longish period, such as a few days or more?  I noticed you said they've met several times over the last year so did that involve a sleep-over or anything?  Saying all the above, I do think that if at all humanly possible he should have agreed to spend some time with his son, short notice or otherwise to exchange presents if nothing else.  If I've got things wrong in this post, then apologies, it's just difficult when all we know is from the post.  I hope you both have a lovely Christmas and manage to sort something out for your son's sake.