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wedding envy

Peter

Do you ever get wedding envy?

Two of my close friends recently set the date for their wedding and I can’t help but feel a little jealous. It’s been a while since I had any friends get married. I think largely because my friends are not in regular contact with me any more. But in the past I felt a little left out of it when my friends got married. I remember one of the first things one of my closest friends did after leaving uni was get married. I wasn’t even invited which kind of hurt.

Of course I know a part of it is just feeling fed up that all my friends are in serious relationships while I’m not. That and the feeling this is one more way they are leaving me behind.

It doesn’t help and it’s kind of disappointing to see it really doesn’t seem to mean a lot to some of them. It’s almost a box ticking exercise sometimes. I get it if you’re already sharing a bed, a house and a bank account. Maybe marriage doesn’t mean a whole lot in practice. I guess growing up as a child that wasn’t the norm. With my conservative upbringing most of the weddings I attended were young church couples who at least wouldn’t have lived together prior to marrying. So it feels kind of sad to see my friends breeze through the traditions of marriage as if they were formalities. Actually one friend invited me to her hen night. It was like women's institute meeting tbh. I half expected them to pull out their knitting. There was no sense that life would change after this, No last wild night on the town, no real sense of excitement for married life.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Disney mega weddings are stupid. Blowing tons of cash on flowers and decoration. And as a child I hated the unnecessary theater and showiness of it all. Long boring sermons, dull speeches, showing off by hiring string quartets etc. But the traditions around weddings make a lot of sense as coming of age / life transition ceremonies.

  • The stag / hen do, re affirming the friendships you made while single while your friends help you celebrate a new phase in your life. But most of the couples I’ve known treated it more like an obligation they must endure than a celebration of their ending single life and a welcoming of their new married one
  • The prewedding preparation where your friends help you ready yourself and support you. Make you look your best. More of a thing for the bride I guess but I find that quite sad too. Men should be reminded from time to time we are attractive and worth starring at.
  • The gift giving. Practically it just makes sense to help two people found a new home by giving things they will need or can enjoy together. Thoughtful gift giving is a really good way of showing affection. In essence your friends and family are putting together a married life starter kit for you. Except these days it’s mostly just picking of things you want not need from a list online.
  • The tradition of having bridesmaids who are actually single. It’s actually kind of brilliant. At some point in the past someone said of course at a wedding everyone single is going to feel a bit broody and lonely. So why don’t we take a bunch of single women and give them a uniform to indicate that they are available. And let’s make them even more envious by having them hang around the bride for a month or so listening to her gush about getting married. So by the wedding day they’re practically elbowing each other to catch the bouquet. Again from my point of view it’s just a shame we can’t put a target on the single boys backs and get the girls to chase them.

Is it so wrong of me to feel envious? Or disappointed I’m not more involved in the wider wedding traditions? It feels a little bit like my presence there is just one more box ticking exercise.

Parents

  • I too have experienced wedding envy Peter. In September last year, I felt envious when a cousin of mine got married. More so than when friends of mine have tied the knot. The cousin (male) is just over a year older than my son and had met his wife 10 years previously through a mutual friend at university. As I am considerably older than all of my cousins, I had spent my late teens and twenties believing that I would be the first of us to tie the knot. Earlier this year, I was informed via the family grapevine that another cousin (female) had got engaged.

    However, whilst I confess to feeling envious of my two cousins, I also feel happy that they are with people that they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

    On the topic of weddings, I'm aware that it seems to have become the norm amongst the muggles (NTs) to have a week-long hen or stag do in a foreign location, and/or have more than one event. Personally, I consider it excessive. In the event that I ever meet someone who is crazy enough to want to marry me, I think I would be more than happy if my hen do (if I could be bothered to have one) consisted of a night in sharing a takeaway with one or two of my closest friends.

    The majority of married couples I know lived with their significant other before they married. During the past decade, I have attended two weddings where both couples stated they had no need for gifts. What mattered to them was the presence of family and friends on their wedding day. In addition, I think gift lists can put a lot of unwanted financial pressure on guests, especially if there's the expense of buying a new outfit, staying overnight in a hotel, etc.

    I have a friend (now divorced) who got married in 2013, and I can honestly say that during the months leading up to the wedding, she was an absolute nightmare, not helped by the fact that she had left a lot of the wedding preparations until the last minute. I know the preparations can be stressful for many couples, but I'd like to think that I would be more organised if I was to ever get married.

Reply

  • I too have experienced wedding envy Peter. In September last year, I felt envious when a cousin of mine got married. More so than when friends of mine have tied the knot. The cousin (male) is just over a year older than my son and had met his wife 10 years previously through a mutual friend at university. As I am considerably older than all of my cousins, I had spent my late teens and twenties believing that I would be the first of us to tie the knot. Earlier this year, I was informed via the family grapevine that another cousin (female) had got engaged.

    However, whilst I confess to feeling envious of my two cousins, I also feel happy that they are with people that they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

    On the topic of weddings, I'm aware that it seems to have become the norm amongst the muggles (NTs) to have a week-long hen or stag do in a foreign location, and/or have more than one event. Personally, I consider it excessive. In the event that I ever meet someone who is crazy enough to want to marry me, I think I would be more than happy if my hen do (if I could be bothered to have one) consisted of a night in sharing a takeaway with one or two of my closest friends.

    The majority of married couples I know lived with their significant other before they married. During the past decade, I have attended two weddings where both couples stated they had no need for gifts. What mattered to them was the presence of family and friends on their wedding day. In addition, I think gift lists can put a lot of unwanted financial pressure on guests, especially if there's the expense of buying a new outfit, staying overnight in a hotel, etc.

    I have a friend (now divorced) who got married in 2013, and I can honestly say that during the months leading up to the wedding, she was an absolute nightmare, not helped by the fact that she had left a lot of the wedding preparations until the last minute. I know the preparations can be stressful for many couples, but I'd like to think that I would be more organised if I was to ever get married.

Children
  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly
    Sporadic Sparkly said:
    On the topic of weddings, I'm aware that it seems to have become the norm amongst the muggles (NTs) to have a week-long hen or stag do in a foreign location, and/or have more than one event. Personally, I consider it excessive. In the event that I ever meet someone who is crazy enough to want to marry me, I think I would be more than happy if my hen do (if I could be bothered to have one) consisted of a night in sharing a takeaway with one or two of my closest friends.

    I mean I don't see why it needs to cost lots of money. The idea is to mark the occasion with something exciting.  Like a bucket list of single life or something. To mark the ocasion by doing stuff so memerable you'll think to yourself years later wow that was an amasingway to round out that phase of my life.

    Sporadic Sparkly said:
    What mattered to them was the presence of family and friends on their wedding day. In addition, I think gift lists can put a lot of unwanted financial pressure on guests, especially if there's the expense of buying a new outfit, staying overnight in a hotel, etc.

    I think it is kind of thoughtful to give gifts but I don't like the idea of lists either. Because it tells you something about your relationships and it's nice to see what they thought about you. Yeah it really is the thought that counts.