Moral Licensing

In my own opinion, it's not about giving back what others have given to you if what they have done is wrong and hurtful of you. I don't believe that gives a justification to then be hurtful towards them. However, what it does give rightful justification for is you no longer giving them anymore of your time or positive acts and energy. Instead of doing something back and bringing them into your misery, I believe it is about removing yourself from the hurtful behaviours they do, putting your foot down by removing them from your life if it comes to that and they show no indication of change or remorse. The absence of you from their life , the absence of your positive acts towards them that they have taken for granted, will be enough misery for them. 

yeah only act on concrete though, not on assumptions of guesses. if they do something concrete and say something too and it all is undoubtable they are acting against you in some way then yeah... you have to do unto them what they would do to you, it provides them a learning lesson to not do to others what they dont want done themselves right?

edit: what was that other saying people used "a eye for a eye makes both people blind?" thats a daft saying that.... because it advocates allowing someone to just blind you while you do nothing in return, that way you end up blind and the person that did it is laughing at you hatefully enjoying your misery... its much better than the person that does it joins you in your misery for they did that themselves, rather than them being allowed to be happy and laugh at the misery they caused you. they should join you in it, both parties should be blind, otherwise there is nothing to stop the perpetrator just doing it without any consequence to themselves.

but what i they treat us badly despite us treating them good and continue to treat you badly and take advantage of your treating them good? comes a point when you have to put the foot down

I am in agreement, and am reminded of Confucius' Golden Rule: "Do not impose on others what you do not wish for yourself".

If we treat people badly because it's how they treat us, then it makes us just as bad, if not worse than them. Admittedly, if we perceive that a person has consistently treated us badly, it's not always easy to practice that Golden Rule.

What do you mean by this? The same argument is exactly why Autistics are treated horrendously, spoken of as humans without a soul or moral compass. 

My perspective of the other might not be correct. My assumptions could be biased. 

I don't think it's useful to treat others as they treat you, like a passive entity on "Response Mode" only. That's kind of the point of growing. To help others up to a better standard. If we never afforded dignity to those who needed it, this world would be a terrible place. 

I mean, who knows what another actually deserves. 

Being a traditional Irish Catholic Patriot living 21 years in the U.K., I take my moral guidance on moral and ethical questions from the Eternal Teachings of the Catholic Church pre-Vatican II - if I come across any ethical or moral questions or dilemmas, I usually pass these onto my spiritual director and/or those theologians (Priests, Friars & Nuns) who are well versed in Canon Law - we must also remember that in those times in the past where there was no such thing as psychology, etc, one’s only point of reference was the Church and its teachings, which on balance, looking at these many issues rationally and logically, was (and is) a good thing - over several years and especially during Covid, I’ve gradually become more convinced than ever that a return to traditional Catholic moral and social values is both essential and is vital for the continued survival of western civilisation, even though I was born into Vatican II and am an older Irish gay man, generally out as gay to everyone - I’ve also come to realise that the concept of moral relativism is a bad thing where it contradicts Traditional Catholic Social Teachings, such as in the sexual and social revolution of the 1960’s 

every action has a reason every cause has a consequence.

if someone has done something to you to lower your moral treatment of them.... they outright deserve it, as its a consequence of what they did to you. you adjust behaviour to suit each individual, you cant treat all the same, treatment of others depends on how those others treat you and is fully justified entirely... up to a point where your not over doing it and know when enough has been enough or whether its ongoing and they have earnt more.

I've always had a bit of a fascination with psychology, so found what you said rather interesting. 

I believe that we all have our own ideas as to what we consider to be moral and immoral behaviour. I'm aware that there have been times during my life when I have been critical of others for behaving in a way I consider immoral, but then been guilty of the same immoral behaviour.

Sometimes, the realisation that I've been a hypocrite has caused me to feel a sense of shame... enough for me to want to change my ways, whether that be privately or publicly. However, sometimes the shame I've felt hasn't affected me enough to make me want to be a better person and less of a hypocrite.