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Help living with an ASD partner

BrokenBiscuits

Hi, I've recently got my ASD diagnosis following a life time of depression.  I hope this will be the start to understanding the world around me a little better and forgiving myself past problems.  But my immediate thoughts are for my partner, is there any help available which could be sent to them, are there any books to recommend which I could buy?

I know the 21st century solution is to point someone towards a FAQ on a website, but I feel that some form of community, group, course, series of lectures etc would be a better way of helping them.

Dose anyone have any advice on the subject?

Thanks

Parents

  • Luke Beardon's books on adult autism, I would recommend. The best single volume is probably Tony Attwood's 'Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome', despite the title, it covers what is now 'ASD level 1 support needs' type autism.

  • in reply to Martin

    I haven't read the Attwood book, so was immediately keen to check it out for my own partner's potential benefit.

    However, this review comment on Amazon has stopped me in my tracks - and may not be what is hoping for, either:

    "The other comment I found deeply hurtful to Aspies everywhere was in Chapter 13 about long-term relationships. Ironically, in the section about 'Strategies to strengthen the relationship', Dr Attwood cites a comment by an NT partner: 'When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.' Dr Attwood's preceding sentence here is telling and shows exactly what I mean about NTs invariably resorting to treating us as inferior beings. He says, 'A positive attitude is also of paramount importance.' Can Dr Attwood please inform me as to how, exactly, viewing your life partner as 'a lemon' (i.e. a dud) is in any way positive or healthy?" 

  • in reply to Bunny
    Bunny said:
    in the section about 'Strategies to strengthen the relationship', Dr Attwood cites a comment by an NT partner: 'When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.' Dr Attwood's preceding sentence here is telling and shows exactly what I mean about NTs invariably resorting to treating us as inferior beings.

    I think you have missed the point completely.

    The reference to lemons is about the fruit. A lemon is not the sort of fruit you eat like other sweet fruits, but it is indeed a worthy fruit and most enjoyable when you know how to prepare it.

    In many ways autists are like lemons. We are quite different to others (fruit) but are actually really good when you know how to deal with us. Think of lemon merangue pie, lemonchello liquer, leomon sorbet etc.

    The author is explaining that knowing how to work with NDs you can get a really good relationship.

    You are picking up on a use of the term lemon to define an inherently faulty good which is not the application here.

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  • in reply to Bunny
    Bunny said:
    in the section about 'Strategies to strengthen the relationship', Dr Attwood cites a comment by an NT partner: 'When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.' Dr Attwood's preceding sentence here is telling and shows exactly what I mean about NTs invariably resorting to treating us as inferior beings.

    I think you have missed the point completely.

    The reference to lemons is about the fruit. A lemon is not the sort of fruit you eat like other sweet fruits, but it is indeed a worthy fruit and most enjoyable when you know how to prepare it.

    In many ways autists are like lemons. We are quite different to others (fruit) but are actually really good when you know how to deal with us. Think of lemon merangue pie, lemonchello liquer, leomon sorbet etc.

    The author is explaining that knowing how to work with NDs you can get a really good relationship.

    You are picking up on a use of the term lemon to define an inherently faulty good which is not the application here.

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