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Needing some support

sonia

Hi my names sonia and my sons name is Ben.

I have recently obtained a diagnosis for Ben of high functioning ASD through a charity. I took this step because I had received a diagnosis from the NHS, the school said they disagreed so another short assessment of 45 minutes was done in school and the specialist revoked the diagnosis.

My main problem is that Ben behaves completely differently in school to at home. At school he follows the rules, sometimes shouts out and is fidgetty but behaves and shows no aggression. This is completely different to home. 

My ex supported me in getting help for ben until we seperated and he got a new girlfriend, now he is saying I sold him to the idea and I am just determined to get Ben the diagnosis I want.

Ben had the ADIR test which has come back conclusively as ASD/Aspergers. He fits so many of the obvious traits except when at school.

I don't want to have to fight school I want them to work with me to help Ben.

I'm just so tired of it all. When Ben was 4 the school came to me with concerns. As the years have gone on its almost like he has learnt to behave in school. Up until just a year ago he was chewing his shirts everyday, now he has stopped. In year 1 he was turning himself away from the class, chewing, licking white boards, eating chalk, climbing under tables etc. He doesn't do any of that now, he's just a fidget and shouts out sometimes.

He is strong and agressive at home, he has no toys or interest in them. He only has minecraft on the internet. he has only ever been invited to tea or a party twice in all his school years. he has two really good friends and is friendly to others in school but once home he just wants to be on his own in his room. He has in the last month, broken remotes, thrown an extension lead at me, put two holes in his door and numerous other outbursts of aggressive behaviour.

I don't know what to do anymore and I don't know if what I am doing is right. I am doubting myself all the time, maybe I am the one in the wrong and they are all right :(

Parents

  • This was over 10 years ago. But, I think your son is/was "masking." I'm also a high functioning autistic, or call it Asperger's. 10 years ago, I was 7 years old. How old is your son? I'm 17 now. I only got diagnosed recently.

    As a child, I had so many difficulties with society and school-home lifestyles, as your son did. I also had developmental delays. My mother says I was the quietest baby she'd ever seen. I never started talking until around 4-5 years old. With school, I had trouble understanding and learning as my peers. In home, my mom tried so hard to teach me the necessities of daily life routines (showering, going to the bathroom on my own, wearing clothes, etc).

    I learned to go to the bathroom on my own when I was 3-4. It just suddenly happend to me that I entered the bathroom and started visualizing how and what we do, and learned.

    I only did function properly in school around 7 years old. I started understanding what math is and other subjects became easier.

    I used to be a completely different person in school. I was aggressive, angry, and sad at home. But at school, I was this normal-wannabe kid who never seems to fit in. I masked, sometimes even at home. I was bullied, and it was the most exhausting part of my life that gave me my strength and eagerness to do extraordinary.

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  • This was over 10 years ago. But, I think your son is/was "masking." I'm also a high functioning autistic, or call it Asperger's. 10 years ago, I was 7 years old. How old is your son? I'm 17 now. I only got diagnosed recently.

    As a child, I had so many difficulties with society and school-home lifestyles, as your son did. I also had developmental delays. My mother says I was the quietest baby she'd ever seen. I never started talking until around 4-5 years old. With school, I had trouble understanding and learning as my peers. In home, my mom tried so hard to teach me the necessities of daily life routines (showering, going to the bathroom on my own, wearing clothes, etc).

    I learned to go to the bathroom on my own when I was 3-4. It just suddenly happend to me that I entered the bathroom and started visualizing how and what we do, and learned.

    I only did function properly in school around 7 years old. I started understanding what math is and other subjects became easier.

    I used to be a completely different person in school. I was aggressive, angry, and sad at home. But at school, I was this normal-wannabe kid who never seems to fit in. I masked, sometimes even at home. I was bullied, and it was the most exhausting part of my life that gave me my strength and eagerness to do extraordinary.

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