Women and gay men

When you get a negative reaction from a woman have you ever just said to them that you are gay and that you really do not mean to threaten or upset them? You could then ask them what it is about about yourself that they object to.

As autism is amongst other things a perceived deficit in communication it is probably that your problem is based on non-verbal communication. You are probably giving out facial expressions and/or body language that women are finding threatening, makes them uncomfortable or uneasy. The types of facial expression and body language that neurotypicals find acceptable and appropriate can be researched and learned intellectually, where an autistic person does not have access to them subconsciously. I have done it myself.

My dear, I am talking about women who are literally yelling and falsely accusing me of crimes. I am doing well just to run away or hide. 

Doing some research on non-verbal communication might help prevent this type of escalation. Is there any possibility of group therapy sessions including women? This would be a supervised environment were participants would feel safe and  would be aware that the others in the session will have problems. You would then be in a better position to discuss the reaction you get from women and, hopefully, find the cause.

Doing some research on non-verbal communication might help prevent this type of escalation. Is there any possibility of group therapy sessions including women? This would be a supervised environment were participants would feel safe and  would be aware that the others in the session will have problems. You would then be in a better position to discuss the reaction you get from women and, hopefully, find the cause.

Tell us about your "eccentric interests, please.

Not critical at all. I left people alone. But, you know, people from the States, as I am, are often perceived as being simultaneously arrogant and completely idiotic. 

Theendingofhismiddleliving said:

One reason I was fired from a job just a few years ago was that supposedly I think I'm better than everyone else. What can I say?

Do you have a strong moral compas and believe there is only one way to do a job? If this is the case and you were critical of people doing it poorly or "wrongly" then I can see this being the cause of the issue.

One reason I was fired from a job just a few years ago was that supposedly I think I'm better than everyone else. What can I say? What do you think? I would say it's completely the opposite, I think I'm worse than everyone else. But I give this impression of being an awful person. 

Iain said:

Have you spoken to your therapist about what behaviours of yours are likely to have caused this in the past?

I think it's things as simple as facial expression, eccentric interests, childish sense of humor, and so forth. 

Theendingofhismiddleliving said:

I can also say that through my life, many many people have found me offensive and awful.

Have you spoken to your therapist about what behaviours of yours are likely to have caused this in the past? Understanding and modifying these behaviours seems to be the best way to avoid all the resulting stress.

I can also say that through my life, many many people have found me offensive and awful. My point is that, under the influence of ketamine, I came to realize more consciously how much I regret clashes with women, and also even simple failures to connect. 

I don't socialize any more, and I don't work -- unless doing something silly like writing a book counts as work. Anyway, my basic point was that the ketamine caused me to realize how much I *regret* not having gotten along better with at least some women in my life. I'm afraid that my therapist's remarks introduced too much negativity into the conversation, but I was concerned about his remarks as well. 

What I meant was are you having the same issues with Brazilian women that you had in the USA?

I found that you are allowed a lot more leaway in making the odd socual faux pas when you are from a different culture and don't speak the language well, so if your issues before were mostly down to inappropriate conversations then you would probably find this issue has gone away whereas if it was down to staring then you will still have the issue.

Iain said:

How are your interactions in Brazil going? Is the language barrier stopping you from speaking to them as much?

I speak but do not hear. Actually, that's not quite true. If the person has the right accent and avoids slang, I can usually understand them. 

Theendingofhismiddleliving said:

I know that people say I act nervous. That probably makes me seem guilty. 

You shared symptoms with a potentially guilty terrorist so it is entirely expected that this will happen.

Have you tried techniques to reduce your anxiety?

I do a lot of flying and it never fails to generate plenty of anxiety so I learned a mix of mindfulness and meditation to control it so I can dial it down even when it looks like a cancellation has just left me 6,000 miles from home in a scummy airport with nowhere to stay for a day while I try to find a new way home.

Theendingofhismiddleliving said:

As for Brazilian women, I spent 36 years of my life in the US, and am thinking of many women there

How are your interactions in Brazil going? Is the language barrier stopping you from speaking to them as much?

Psychotherapy is supposed to be an important part of my "integration" of my ketamine experiences.  As for Brazilian women, I spent 36 years of my life in the US, and am thinking of many women there. What sometimes seems to happen is that a woman feels anger but doesn't express it. It builds and builds and builds until it explodes. So the question of what I was doing at the time, doesn't actually arise. On the other hand, my being singled out at the airport as a potential terrorist and being delayed in my boarding may have something to do with how I was acting at the time. I know that people say I act nervous. That probably makes me seem guilty.