What IS the 'right' way to behave?

Reading your original posting Autist, I sense a number of issues.

Have you made it known to others you helped her? People can be quite precious about receiving help, particularly if it is to do with expected work skills - something she should have been able to do for herself. You say she knew nothing about the ways in which you helped her, but did you makee anyone else aware of this? In any way that would acutely embarass her?

The politics of work places are really tricky and difficult enough for NTs to negotiate, far worse for people on the spectrum who don't get the right feedback.

The second thing is working out where the point of issue lies. You perceive that she has left the EYFS lying around the office and not returned something else you loaned her. Are you sure that the loaned items are the reason for her now ignoring you, or have you considered other factors, including events since you loaned her the items?

Because people on the spectrum don't pick up on all the information that seems to be available to NTs, all you can use to explain things is the fragmentary evidence you have to hand. And you are likely to work through all the permutations you can think of. But there may be information you don't know about.

For example in office environments there's a lot of gossip and some of it is malicious. The reason she is now ignoring you may be for a whole range of reasons, and these could include things you were not party to. So what you must try not to do is get angry (difficult I know). I'm still raging in my head about perceived hurts thirty years ago - I'm never going to get any resolution, and so the stuff keeps coming back to me.

The way people respond to stuff loaned really perplexes me. I don't properly understand it. For example in a conversation someone said they liked a particular type of music and I volunteered that I had some CDs of it. This person asked to borrow them and I loaned them. Months later I ventured to ask for their return, and she got really sharp with me and just said "Don't you dare!". I've never pursued the matter again, and I've never got my CDs back, nor have I been able to buy replacements. It never made any difference to a friendship otherwise, but I've never worked out what happened. I assume she perceived them as a gift rather than a loan.

NTs seem to have a more relaxed way of getting over difficulties. It involves exchanges of information I don't understand.  My own limited perceptions are just my end of a dialogue the other side of which I do not comprehend.

It is not easy advice therefore, as I cannot resolve such situations either. But somehow you've got to try to avoid letting these things get to you. People on the spectrum will feel resentment for years. NTs somehow sort it out, though I do know of situations where NTs get stuck in similar ways, if another party offers no explanation. Byt they are better equipped than people on the spectrum to find resolution.

Reading your original posting Autist, I sense a number of issues.

Have you made it known to others you helped her? People can be quite precious about receiving help, particularly if it is to do with expected work skills - something she should have been able to do for herself. You say she knew nothing about the ways in which you helped her, but did you makee anyone else aware of this? In any way that would acutely embarass her?

The politics of work places are really tricky and difficult enough for NTs to negotiate, far worse for people on the spectrum who don't get the right feedback.

The second thing is working out where the point of issue lies. You perceive that she has left the EYFS lying around the office and not returned something else you loaned her. Are you sure that the loaned items are the reason for her now ignoring you, or have you considered other factors, including events since you loaned her the items?

Because people on the spectrum don't pick up on all the information that seems to be available to NTs, all you can use to explain things is the fragmentary evidence you have to hand. And you are likely to work through all the permutations you can think of. But there may be information you don't know about.

For example in office environments there's a lot of gossip and some of it is malicious. The reason she is now ignoring you may be for a whole range of reasons, and these could include things you were not party to. So what you must try not to do is get angry (difficult I know). I'm still raging in my head about perceived hurts thirty years ago - I'm never going to get any resolution, and so the stuff keeps coming back to me.

The way people respond to stuff loaned really perplexes me. I don't properly understand it. For example in a conversation someone said they liked a particular type of music and I volunteered that I had some CDs of it. This person asked to borrow them and I loaned them. Months later I ventured to ask for their return, and she got really sharp with me and just said "Don't you dare!". I've never pursued the matter again, and I've never got my CDs back, nor have I been able to buy replacements. It never made any difference to a friendship otherwise, but I've never worked out what happened. I assume she perceived them as a gift rather than a loan.

NTs seem to have a more relaxed way of getting over difficulties. It involves exchanges of information I don't understand.  My own limited perceptions are just my end of a dialogue the other side of which I do not comprehend.

It is not easy advice therefore, as I cannot resolve such situations either. But somehow you've got to try to avoid letting these things get to you. People on the spectrum will feel resentment for years. NTs somehow sort it out, though I do know of situations where NTs get stuck in similar ways, if another party offers no explanation. Byt they are better equipped than people on the spectrum to find resolution.