Post pandemic ‘normality’

I was talking with my family last night about the way the pandemic has impacted on us. Three of us have an autism diagnosis, and one of us is very likely autistic but not diagnosed. When the lockdown started we were all to some degree relieved to have an ‘excuse’ to withdraw from many aspects of life that we found stressful, such as going to work, seeing people, having face to face appointments with people etc etc. It meant that we could avoid a lot of stuff that we’d always found really difficult. We withdrew from society because we were being told to, and in some ways this was quite suited to our nature. However we are still finding it very hard to return to ‘normal’. My son’s social anxiety feels more entrenched than ever, and I find dealing with people and day to day problems much more stressful. It’s as if the pandemic got us into a more reclusive state of living and now we’re finding it harder to get out of our tendency to withdraw from life. Every problem feels like such a big deal now, we feel so easily overwhelmed by life. We find being around lots of people so stressful. However we also feel very isolated, despite the fact that in many ways we like being away from people. And the news is always so grim about everything falling apart - essential services like the nhs etc. The war in Ukraine. Everything feels so insecure. Everything is so expensive. When we do go out so many other people seem to look stressed and tired too. 
It all feel is so overwhelming sometimes. 
There’s this narrative that the pandemic is ‘over’, but we feel we are still really struggling to feel ‘normal’ again. It’s had a big impact on us and we’re finding it hard to mentally get back to where we were before it all happened. We were struggling even before it all though to be honest, but I think it’s made many of our problems even more difficult now. 
Does anyone else feel like this?

Parents
  • Very much so. I could have written that myself. I have been trying to work out if it is the pandemic or because I realized at that time I was autistic and have been able to unmask a bit. 

    I have found each step of trying to do normality difficult. I have had to go into work or join an away day on two occasions rather than work from home. At the office I was overwhelmed and glad I could return home at the earliest opportunity. At the away day after talking to a few people in familiar groups when we had to start an activity where I didn't know what we would do I couldn't cope and ended up going home.

    Whenever we have anyone come to do any work at our home I get worked up knowing they are coming and exhausted after. 

    Any trip out feels like a huge challenge with a lot of preparation needed. It seems I will never return to how I was and I agree that all the bad news makes things more of a challenge. I agree every problem feels like a big deal. I also miss the peace and quiet during lockdown.

    I mostly do church online as I can only cope with the occasional in person. 

    I recently had two weeks leave from work yet don't feel refreshed from it. Even doing the things I enjoy like gardening can feel hard work sometimes. I also find I struggle more with sleep and have to try to discipline myself to switch off.

    Thank you for sharing, it is good to not feel alone in this.

  • Hi Homebird, I can relate so much to everything you say. I feel a level of extra tension in so many areas of life now. I find being around a lot of people really difficult (it was always a difficult for me but the pandemic has made it much more of an issue for me). I have also developed a strong preference for just being outside in the fresh air (again I felt like that before but even more so now). If we eat out we sit at outside tables - the idea of going inside a crowded cafe now feels intolerable to me - both for Covid and viruses generally but also because I can’t bear the noise and the intensity of busy indoor places, I bristle around noisy groups of people. I think the pandemic has intensified my autistic sensitivity to crowds, noise, being in crowded buildings with all the sensory stuff that involves. It’s just too much. I basically have an even stronger need for space, peace and quiet. 
    l have always hated anyone coming to the house - and Covid has intensified that too. If someone offered to come and clean my house and decorate the whole place for free I’d probably decline! I don’t want anyone coming in the house these days. Basically my tolerance for all these things has reduced significantly. I’m trying to work on all of this though, because I need to lower my anxiety and I want to enjoy my life, and not waste the time I have. so I’m trying to get back to my ‘baseline’ level that I had before the pandemic - and hopefully possibly better (one day!). I also need to cope better with ‘normal life’ for the sake of my family as all our anxiety is bouncing off each other’s anxiety and so we are trying to work together to make things easier for us all collectively. I think I’d probably happily go and live in a remote Scottish Croft and not see hardly anyone, but my son would hate that. He wants to work towards normal stuff like having friends and a girlfriend, so I’m determined to try and engage with life more, and to connect with a few people in positive ways, for his sake if nothing else. 

    I’m sorry you’re struggling too and I’m sending you lots of good wishes and solidarity. Herb

Reply
  • Hi Homebird, I can relate so much to everything you say. I feel a level of extra tension in so many areas of life now. I find being around a lot of people really difficult (it was always a difficult for me but the pandemic has made it much more of an issue for me). I have also developed a strong preference for just being outside in the fresh air (again I felt like that before but even more so now). If we eat out we sit at outside tables - the idea of going inside a crowded cafe now feels intolerable to me - both for Covid and viruses generally but also because I can’t bear the noise and the intensity of busy indoor places, I bristle around noisy groups of people. I think the pandemic has intensified my autistic sensitivity to crowds, noise, being in crowded buildings with all the sensory stuff that involves. It’s just too much. I basically have an even stronger need for space, peace and quiet. 
    l have always hated anyone coming to the house - and Covid has intensified that too. If someone offered to come and clean my house and decorate the whole place for free I’d probably decline! I don’t want anyone coming in the house these days. Basically my tolerance for all these things has reduced significantly. I’m trying to work on all of this though, because I need to lower my anxiety and I want to enjoy my life, and not waste the time I have. so I’m trying to get back to my ‘baseline’ level that I had before the pandemic - and hopefully possibly better (one day!). I also need to cope better with ‘normal life’ for the sake of my family as all our anxiety is bouncing off each other’s anxiety and so we are trying to work together to make things easier for us all collectively. I think I’d probably happily go and live in a remote Scottish Croft and not see hardly anyone, but my son would hate that. He wants to work towards normal stuff like having friends and a girlfriend, so I’m determined to try and engage with life more, and to connect with a few people in positive ways, for his sake if nothing else. 

    I’m sorry you’re struggling too and I’m sending you lots of good wishes and solidarity. Herb

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