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some advice would be welcome- relationships

cmerrick

hi, so, its like this

i've been dating my girlfriend for over 3 years now and being someone with aspergers i am happy to have been able to hold down a stable relationship given my normal social issues i experience around people.

thing is, its recently come to light she may be on the spectrum as well (possibley more towards the adhd end of things)

this has left me feeling very odd. i don't love her any less, don't get me wrong, that could never change, but theres some part of me that feels that somehow, for lack of a better word, that the relationship is somehow less of an "acheivement" for this new peice of information.

whenever that thought springs to mind it makes me feel like a complete *** but i keeps nagging at me. i suppose what i'm after is if someone can relate or at least help me understand where this petty subconcious dicotamy seems to have come from.

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  • I think you are looking at it wrongly.  When you consider that everyone on the spectrum is different (all having their own individual balance and strengths of traits) and also still has their own individual personality and background which shapes them, two people on the spectrum making a relationship work is no mean feat.  If she has ADHD or ADHD-like traits it's even more of a challenge because some of the things we are good at (such as hyperfocus) can be anathema to someone with ADHD as I understand it.

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  • I think you are looking at it wrongly.  When you consider that everyone on the spectrum is different (all having their own individual balance and strengths of traits) and also still has their own individual personality and background which shapes them, two people on the spectrum making a relationship work is no mean feat.  If she has ADHD or ADHD-like traits it's even more of a challenge because some of the things we are good at (such as hyperfocus) can be anathema to someone with ADHD as I understand it.

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