School don't see my daughter's difficulties

Hi there, I've just joined the community.  My 10 year old daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers in July 2013.

She has always hated going to school and it got to the point that I changed her school to a smaller school in the hope things would change.  As it is things are the same.

Once I got the diagnosis I believed the school would be willing to help - ah yes, they say all the things I want to hear - then my daughter informs me they are not quite telling the truth.

Recently I had my third meeting with the headteacher - one of my daughter's year teachers and the SENCO.  My daughter does not have a statement.  She does not present symptoms or difficulties at school, however the stress of the whole school - information processing, social etc - builds up and then she has a huge meltdown at home over something trivial.

I put this in an e-mail - what the stressors at school were.

In the meeting I was told that children with asd cannot behave one way at school and differently at home - it was impossible for them.  If she is going to have a meltdown she would have it at school just as easily as at home!!  This is contrary to all the asperger literature I have read and discussed with others. 

Further they told me that they do not see her having any difficulties at school - she is no different to all the other children at school.  She does understand what she is doing, she needs a motivator to get her to work faster (she is slow at processing tasks etc!!) and as for difficulty in the dinner hall they will watch out for this but they cannot staff anywhere else for her to go.  As far as distractions go - she doesn't get affected by sensory distractions otherwise she would have made a fuss many times when there is painting or cooking etc happening in the school.  When I suggested ear plugs for her so she didn't find noises distracting they told me this was only used for severe autism and there was no need for my daughter to go down this route.

They are not seeing that all of this quietly builds up and up until she blows up and that to alleviate her pressure they only have to change a couple of things.

Basically there answer to all of my points was that is severe autism, not aspergers, she does not present this at school but they will watch out for it in future.

Has anybody else had problems like this - silly question I know people have had problems like this because I have heard it but now it is happening to me I don't know what to do.

I know this is a bit of a rant and may not make sense - but basically all the "typical" symptoms of Asperger Syndrome and some not so "typical" are apparent in my daughter at home and with what she says about not liking school and other social occasions but the because the school don't see any of it they are treating it as if it is not happening.

Hoping somebody out there will reply to me.

Thanks for reading.

Jamaicanbluetaz - xxxx

Parents
  • The reply to my e-mail evidencing that Aspergers children can behave perfectly normally at school - because they are managing themselves (to a point) - but blow up at home through the stress of it all was to list every physical show of anxiety and stress and to report that D does not present any of these but they will "keep monitoring".  They also said she does not mimick her peers, but is very individual - she mimicks part of the characters from the Disney Channel high school programmes in some circumstances although the head won't be aware of such channel I imagine!!

    Anyway, I stewed and grumpfed over this, not really seeing where to go except back to the GP for a referral or advice.

    However, this morning the SENCO invited me for a chat and she had prepared 12 "diary sheets" to log D's mood in the morning, after school, comments made about school immediately after school and comments made at other times.  This is an attempt to pin point what it is that is "upsetting D the most".  From the way she spoke with me about how she had come up with the idea, I do not believe this has been passed through the head.  She also said she can hear what is happening in her class so she will be able to marry up negative comments with what she has heard happening.

    This is, to me, better than no acknowledgement at all - although this is still not doing what I am requesting.  I have been advised by NAS - who gave me a lovely telephone call to advise where I can go if the school continue not to support - including to the LEA.  The advice was to keep a diary myself to use as evidence rather than quoting from every day events that fly around my head like a second thought process.

    I will update with how the diary goes and also how my own diary and requests go once I have some evidence to use.

    All of the comments on this discussion are great and I am so glad I have found the community.  Thank you everybody.  I hope this helps others by it's conclusion, but do keep posting.

    Many thanks.

Reply
  • The reply to my e-mail evidencing that Aspergers children can behave perfectly normally at school - because they are managing themselves (to a point) - but blow up at home through the stress of it all was to list every physical show of anxiety and stress and to report that D does not present any of these but they will "keep monitoring".  They also said she does not mimick her peers, but is very individual - she mimicks part of the characters from the Disney Channel high school programmes in some circumstances although the head won't be aware of such channel I imagine!!

    Anyway, I stewed and grumpfed over this, not really seeing where to go except back to the GP for a referral or advice.

    However, this morning the SENCO invited me for a chat and she had prepared 12 "diary sheets" to log D's mood in the morning, after school, comments made about school immediately after school and comments made at other times.  This is an attempt to pin point what it is that is "upsetting D the most".  From the way she spoke with me about how she had come up with the idea, I do not believe this has been passed through the head.  She also said she can hear what is happening in her class so she will be able to marry up negative comments with what she has heard happening.

    This is, to me, better than no acknowledgement at all - although this is still not doing what I am requesting.  I have been advised by NAS - who gave me a lovely telephone call to advise where I can go if the school continue not to support - including to the LEA.  The advice was to keep a diary myself to use as evidence rather than quoting from every day events that fly around my head like a second thought process.

    I will update with how the diary goes and also how my own diary and requests go once I have some evidence to use.

    All of the comments on this discussion are great and I am so glad I have found the community.  Thank you everybody.  I hope this helps others by it's conclusion, but do keep posting.

    Many thanks.

Children
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