School don't see my daughter's difficulties

Hi there, I've just joined the community.  My 10 year old daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers in July 2013.

She has always hated going to school and it got to the point that I changed her school to a smaller school in the hope things would change.  As it is things are the same.

Once I got the diagnosis I believed the school would be willing to help - ah yes, they say all the things I want to hear - then my daughter informs me they are not quite telling the truth.

Recently I had my third meeting with the headteacher - one of my daughter's year teachers and the SENCO.  My daughter does not have a statement.  She does not present symptoms or difficulties at school, however the stress of the whole school - information processing, social etc - builds up and then she has a huge meltdown at home over something trivial.

I put this in an e-mail - what the stressors at school were.

In the meeting I was told that children with asd cannot behave one way at school and differently at home - it was impossible for them.  If she is going to have a meltdown she would have it at school just as easily as at home!!  This is contrary to all the asperger literature I have read and discussed with others. 

Further they told me that they do not see her having any difficulties at school - she is no different to all the other children at school.  She does understand what she is doing, she needs a motivator to get her to work faster (she is slow at processing tasks etc!!) and as for difficulty in the dinner hall they will watch out for this but they cannot staff anywhere else for her to go.  As far as distractions go - she doesn't get affected by sensory distractions otherwise she would have made a fuss many times when there is painting or cooking etc happening in the school.  When I suggested ear plugs for her so she didn't find noises distracting they told me this was only used for severe autism and there was no need for my daughter to go down this route.

They are not seeing that all of this quietly builds up and up until she blows up and that to alleviate her pressure they only have to change a couple of things.

Basically there answer to all of my points was that is severe autism, not aspergers, she does not present this at school but they will watch out for it in future.

Has anybody else had problems like this - silly question I know people have had problems like this because I have heard it but now it is happening to me I don't know what to do.

I know this is a bit of a rant and may not make sense - but basically all the "typical" symptoms of Asperger Syndrome and some not so "typical" are apparent in my daughter at home and with what she says about not liking school and other social occasions but the because the school don't see any of it they are treating it as if it is not happening.

Hoping somebody out there will reply to me.

Thanks for reading.

Jamaicanbluetaz - xxxx

Parents
  • As regards IntenseWorld about my Higher Education background and loyalties, I could take the criticism as a fair point, as yes there are such things as mundane or poor teachers (lots of them), and schools which really do not try.

    However IntenseWorld follows with feelings about one school "not turning up to a pre-arranged meeting, ignoring phone messages and emails and telling my highly anxious daughter that they can't help with things they most definitely could help with".

    While I'm concerned about Hanbury's approach to this, it is revealing to look at his section on parent's attitudes. While the schools need to be careful not to be patronising, there does need to be an approach that gets both sides talking with productive attitudes.

    I think you've got to step back a bit and have a think what effect your angry approach has. Bear in mind teachers get a lot of this, as much for no good reasons as good reasons. If schools looked at better parent involvement there might be ways round this.

Reply
  • As regards IntenseWorld about my Higher Education background and loyalties, I could take the criticism as a fair point, as yes there are such things as mundane or poor teachers (lots of them), and schools which really do not try.

    However IntenseWorld follows with feelings about one school "not turning up to a pre-arranged meeting, ignoring phone messages and emails and telling my highly anxious daughter that they can't help with things they most definitely could help with".

    While I'm concerned about Hanbury's approach to this, it is revealing to look at his section on parent's attitudes. While the schools need to be careful not to be patronising, there does need to be an approach that gets both sides talking with productive attitudes.

    I think you've got to step back a bit and have a think what effect your angry approach has. Bear in mind teachers get a lot of this, as much for no good reasons as good reasons. If schools looked at better parent involvement there might be ways round this.

Children
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