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School don't see my daughter's difficulties

jamaicanbluetaz

Hi there, I've just joined the community.  My 10 year old daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers in July 2013.

She has always hated going to school and it got to the point that I changed her school to a smaller school in the hope things would change.  As it is things are the same.

Once I got the diagnosis I believed the school would be willing to help - ah yes, they say all the things I want to hear - then my daughter informs me they are not quite telling the truth.

Recently I had my third meeting with the headteacher - one of my daughter's year teachers and the SENCO.  My daughter does not have a statement.  She does not present symptoms or difficulties at school, however the stress of the whole school - information processing, social etc - builds up and then she has a huge meltdown at home over something trivial.

I put this in an e-mail - what the stressors at school were.

In the meeting I was told that children with asd cannot behave one way at school and differently at home - it was impossible for them.  If she is going to have a meltdown she would have it at school just as easily as at home!!  This is contrary to all the asperger literature I have read and discussed with others. 

Further they told me that they do not see her having any difficulties at school - she is no different to all the other children at school.  She does understand what she is doing, she needs a motivator to get her to work faster (she is slow at processing tasks etc!!) and as for difficulty in the dinner hall they will watch out for this but they cannot staff anywhere else for her to go.  As far as distractions go - she doesn't get affected by sensory distractions otherwise she would have made a fuss many times when there is painting or cooking etc happening in the school.  When I suggested ear plugs for her so she didn't find noises distracting they told me this was only used for severe autism and there was no need for my daughter to go down this route.

They are not seeing that all of this quietly builds up and up until she blows up and that to alleviate her pressure they only have to change a couple of things.

Basically there answer to all of my points was that is severe autism, not aspergers, she does not present this at school but they will watch out for it in future.

Has anybody else had problems like this - silly question I know people have had problems like this because I have heard it but now it is happening to me I don't know what to do.

I know this is a bit of a rant and may not make sense - but basically all the "typical" symptoms of Asperger Syndrome and some not so "typical" are apparent in my daughter at home and with what she says about not liking school and other social occasions but the because the school don't see any of it they are treating it as if it is not happening.

Hoping somebody out there will reply to me.

Thanks for reading.

Jamaicanbluetaz - xxxx

Parents

  • There is one thing I would like to add to this as it's very relevant.

    When a child is masking at school, and their academic performance is fine, if not great, this makes things even worse from the point of view of the school recognising there is a problem.  They largely concentrate on reaching targets and performing in school league tables.

    My eldest, is very good academically, she has admitted to me that she finds it very difficult to tell staff at school her difficulties and how she is feeling.  I think she has alexithymia which is trouble identifying or recognising feelings.  She has reacted terribly since starting secondary school 2 weeks ago, she has regressed, had meltdowns, become distressed, depressed and even more anxious than she was already.  She is begging me to take her out of school and saying that she has changed from being happy and laughing a lot, to being miserable and stressed (which is true).  She is overwhelmed with both the environment and the expectations, such as homework volume.  She has had socialising problems from within the first few days and the school has not done as much as they should do help her with this.

    The school have been really poor at communicating with me, ignoring phone messages and emails, delayed responses, not turning up at a meeting our SW arranged etc.

    As she does so well academically, I am concerned that they aren't as interested because of this.  Schools need to recognise that the emotional wellbeing and mental health of a child is even more important than the academics.  Academics are great if they help you achieve the job/career you want and be a highly functioning member of society - but what's the use if you become so mentally unwell from the experience that you end up a hermit who withdraws from society and cannot even apply for a job and you end up costing mental health services for ongoing treatment?

    I am about to appeal the LAs refusal to assess my daughter for a statement, and this is a very problematic area when the school fails to recognise the problems, as their input is vital into the statementing process.  They have told me (after much challenging) that she is on SA+ put they have not stated at what point she was put on this, because if it was from the day she started then their SA+ isn't worth toffee.  She has an assistant year head she can go and speak to but this person has told her "there's nothing I can do about that" when she has said some of what's bothering her and has been very ineffectual.  If that is SA+ then I am in no doubt she needs a statement.

     

Reply

  • There is one thing I would like to add to this as it's very relevant.

    When a child is masking at school, and their academic performance is fine, if not great, this makes things even worse from the point of view of the school recognising there is a problem.  They largely concentrate on reaching targets and performing in school league tables.

    My eldest, is very good academically, she has admitted to me that she finds it very difficult to tell staff at school her difficulties and how she is feeling.  I think she has alexithymia which is trouble identifying or recognising feelings.  She has reacted terribly since starting secondary school 2 weeks ago, she has regressed, had meltdowns, become distressed, depressed and even more anxious than she was already.  She is begging me to take her out of school and saying that she has changed from being happy and laughing a lot, to being miserable and stressed (which is true).  She is overwhelmed with both the environment and the expectations, such as homework volume.  She has had socialising problems from within the first few days and the school has not done as much as they should do help her with this.

    The school have been really poor at communicating with me, ignoring phone messages and emails, delayed responses, not turning up at a meeting our SW arranged etc.

    As she does so well academically, I am concerned that they aren't as interested because of this.  Schools need to recognise that the emotional wellbeing and mental health of a child is even more important than the academics.  Academics are great if they help you achieve the job/career you want and be a highly functioning member of society - but what's the use if you become so mentally unwell from the experience that you end up a hermit who withdraws from society and cannot even apply for a job and you end up costing mental health services for ongoing treatment?

    I am about to appeal the LAs refusal to assess my daughter for a statement, and this is a very problematic area when the school fails to recognise the problems, as their input is vital into the statementing process.  They have told me (after much challenging) that she is on SA+ put they have not stated at what point she was put on this, because if it was from the day she started then their SA+ isn't worth toffee.  She has an assistant year head she can go and speak to but this person has told her "there's nothing I can do about that" when she has said some of what's bothering her and has been very ineffectual.  If that is SA+ then I am in no doubt she needs a statement.

     

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