Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I am new to this site and would welcome your comments and help. My son was finally diagnosed with aspergers at 21 after a lifelong battle with our GP who refused to acknowledge his differences and labelled me an over protective mother not willing to accept that he was just badly behaved. I won't bore you with the tedious details of the lengthy battle to diagnosis, I am sure this is familiar to many of you.
The diagnosis was a huge relief to us as parents, and his sister as we always knew that he was special. For the last three years we have researched, read everything we could, and tried to put in place the best support possible to help him live an independant life. We have had some success, he is well capable of holding down his job as a carer, but periodically, he will crash and burn. Usually something will trigger him to believe he is useless, and he will walk away. It is tough to try and always understand and accept some of the situations he gets himself in to. Continuous bad debt pay day loans phone contracts, we have paid off thousands over the years. And yes I know we should let them fail, so he learns. There is an account currently that he is being pursued for that we are not going to settle. A bad credit rating would be a godsend to put an end to them.
our main problem is whilst we try so hard to understand him, he doesn't understand himself, and doesn't accept that he has aspergers, he may say he does to placate me but he doesn't really. He was deeply hurt when I pursued the diagnosis as he said I was trying to get him declared 'mental'. How does one accept having aspergers, does it help to know and try and understand it? How can I persuade him to talk to others and share his feelings? Would it help if he had a mentor or someone outside of the family he could talk to? We love him dearly and want him to be secure in his adult life, and to recognise his many positive characteristics. He is funny, loyal to his friends, clever in ways he does not recognise, different and individual, and much loved by his family and friends. We would like him to go back to our GP (thankfully a new one who has been great) for an updated assessment, but I am scared to broach the subject in case he feels I am again trying to label him as mental. Apologies for length of this post but it is so good to be able to put all my thoughts on paper. I would appreciate hearing from you. Thank you for reading this.
AspieMom said:My son was diagnosed too late for us. His life was full of every kind of diagnosis - mild tourettes, ADD, oppositional defiant disorder, dysgraphia... He was picked on by other kids and teachers as well. He had so much trouble in his teen years that he decided he must be in the wrong body. He is now taking hormones to become half man and half woman. He wants to appear as a woman but be neither. This is a very troubling turn of events and I am appalled that a medical doctor is going along with it. He has had only 4 months of therapy focused on transgender - which he admits he is not. I am actually seeing a trend in kids, possibly most of them with Asperger's, choosing to be transgender or 'genderqueer' - a term they have made up as far as I can tell. My son has cut himself off from his family and lives with a group of other messed up and confused young adults. I would appreciate any ideas for how to reach him and stop him from destroying his body. We are devasted that we did not identify his Asperger's at a younger age where we could help him cope with it.
My son was diagnosed too late for us. His life was full of every kind of diagnosis - mild tourettes, ADD, oppositional defiant disorder, dysgraphia... He was picked on by other kids and teachers as well. He had so much trouble in his teen years that he decided he must be in the wrong body. He is now taking hormones to become half man and half woman. He wants to appear as a woman but be neither. This is a very troubling turn of events and I am appalled that a medical doctor is going along with it. He has had only 4 months of therapy focused on transgender - which he admits he is not. I am actually seeing a trend in kids, possibly most of them with Asperger's, choosing to be transgender or 'genderqueer' - a term they have made up as far as I can tell. My son has cut himself off from his family and lives with a group of other messed up and confused young adults. I would appreciate any ideas for how to reach him and stop him from destroying his body. We are devasted that we did not identify his Asperger's at a younger age where we could help him cope with it.
Though his lifestyle is extreme, do you think he will abandon it and return to you if you are going to tell him how to live his life. I left the family home and lived with a (differently) messed up group of teens (untill they kicked me out for non-conformity (amazing from a group of non-conformists) purely to escape parental authority. Keep the pressure on him and he will entrench his position, back off and he might find enough wriggle room to escape a situation he may well be finding a bit pointy already.