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Coping strategies

Hawthorn

I am an adult male aged 40, who is in the process of going through a diagnosis for Aspergers.

My life is pretty much at an all time low at present and I am in the process of trying to rebuild myself, my marriage, and my family's future.

I am very keen to learn of suitable coping strategies.

in particular, what to do when I feel stressed about a situation, or as is often the case, enraged when someone speaks to me in a way that I take (often incorrectly) as being uncaring or unpleasant. I have plenty of work to do in sorting myself out, but this is one of the first areas I want to address.

Parents

  • Hi, I am a bit older than you and diagnosed a few years ago, after 50 years trying to get through each day. I find I rage about things too, and it damages relationships and hurts me. On a day to day level, getting good sleep is important, and having a word or phrase you can use as a sort of reminder to yourself, to stop the same thoughts from spinning round and round in your mind. Going for long walks is calming, as is doing what ever brings you peace: some do gardening, I play computer games.

    Part of the problem seems to be mindfulness - that is, connecting what is happening in your life to how you feel. So I may feel particularly anxious or angry and may have had a frustrating or stressful day, but I don't connect cause and effect. This means the anger and anxiety I feel is not being directed at what causes it, so comes out in the wrong places. If this is how it is for you, perhaps you could share that with your partner? It may help them to understand. If they love you, they will want to understand but may need help with this. It is not easy for either of you.

    A strategy that has also helped me is hypnotherapy. Not the sort where you tell them your troubles and they recite instructions to your subconscious, but the sort where you participate in a question and answer type conversation. This has helped me to work out why I am feeling certain things, so enabled me to change them. But the right hypnotherapist is hard to find - they must be autism aware - and they do not come cheap. I manage a monthly session. There are also books - try keywords like autism + relationships, or autism + work, etc, on Autism Data (NAS website) or on Amazon.  I hope this helps.

Reply

  • Hi, I am a bit older than you and diagnosed a few years ago, after 50 years trying to get through each day. I find I rage about things too, and it damages relationships and hurts me. On a day to day level, getting good sleep is important, and having a word or phrase you can use as a sort of reminder to yourself, to stop the same thoughts from spinning round and round in your mind. Going for long walks is calming, as is doing what ever brings you peace: some do gardening, I play computer games.

    Part of the problem seems to be mindfulness - that is, connecting what is happening in your life to how you feel. So I may feel particularly anxious or angry and may have had a frustrating or stressful day, but I don't connect cause and effect. This means the anger and anxiety I feel is not being directed at what causes it, so comes out in the wrong places. If this is how it is for you, perhaps you could share that with your partner? It may help them to understand. If they love you, they will want to understand but may need help with this. It is not easy for either of you.

    A strategy that has also helped me is hypnotherapy. Not the sort where you tell them your troubles and they recite instructions to your subconscious, but the sort where you participate in a question and answer type conversation. This has helped me to work out why I am feeling certain things, so enabled me to change them. But the right hypnotherapist is hard to find - they must be autism aware - and they do not come cheap. I manage a monthly session. There are also books - try keywords like autism + relationships, or autism + work, etc, on Autism Data (NAS website) or on Amazon.  I hope this helps.

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