Published on 12, July, 2020
I have been thinking recently about masking and the various means that one uses to mask. It has occurred to me, that the use of a ‘passive voice’ in my communication, is a big part of the way I write and speak.
I can remember all the way back to college, that tutors used to comment on my ‘wordiness’, I well-achieved (D*D*D*) in College but kids always used to say “You’re not that smart are you? You just write a lot”. The implication being that I was obscuring my lack of understanding. The more I’ve written, the better I have gotten at writing, but I still write a lot. I find that every now and again I take on a new element of language, but I always write a lot and I never reread, I just speed-write to victory. In my speech I do talk a lot, talking about anything at length and for length, I enjoy getting my thoughts out and enjoy how language is constructed in my head. But I also speak longer words and phrases in a disagreeable situation, to offset any aggressive reaction to my imperative, I find that a great rhetorical-tool can be found in elongated words and phrases and sentences.
I have thought that: Maybe it is because I have enjoy vocabulary but not grammar, or maybe it is because I never formally-learned grammar at school, or maybe I abandoned the ‘active voice’ as a means of non-detection and non-confrontation. It may even have been, a kind-of speed writing that I developed, to safely expose myself to writing and speech.
It has not been the case, that all the individuals that I know (who have an Autism Spectrum Condition), have a circumlocutory communication style. I have known some ASC individuals, to be very literal and active in their communication, and no less intelligent.
So I guess I am just interested to know: How this style of communication sits-with and is experienced by the community? Why the community thinks it occurs? Is it born of the environment and exposure? Is it a repetitive action or an interest? Is it a means of evasion or development? Is it the result of the level of skill attainment?
Verbose is a pretty word and it's something I have been called many times before. At school and university I was called verbose and every essay and piece of work I wrote and typed was triple the size they likely anticipated. I've always been at peace with writing. In person I hide myself, I don't let anybody in because I can't control how much of myself I can reveal but in words I can choose what to say, choose the meaning and describe it with as much detail as I like. I suppose in a way it is masking myself though I like to think when I write and explain about things, like I am now; it actually lowers my mask and shows the 'real' me that very few get to meet.When I was at school and university I had comments about not being smart as well. Ax few people told me how I was just good at writing lots of words and it meant nothing and that I was a retard. I got a lot of comments like that during my education. It didn't deter me though.
I've always loved writing, by hand and on computer. I feel free when I write. The sky is the limit and so long as the mind is willing I can write for several hours. Sometimes I write poetry, code, journals or creative writing.... I communicate with the people I know by writing in text and email, and I write actual letters to my last remaining grandparent. I never thought of it like masking but I can see how it could be associated with masking. A lot of food for thought regarding this actually. A big part of it for me is more of a love of writing. I have always loved writing, making words in to sentences, sentences in to paragraphs and then making it in to a story. Same with doing computer programming. Taking nothing and turning it into something fabulous just by writing it out.This is why I love writing, the creative process, it makes me happy and I feel free and I recognise it's something I am good at and that helps me feel good about myself.
It likely is part of a masking thing as well though regarding communication with others. I never even thought of that before reading your thread. Thanks for creating this! It's given me an entirely different opinion of why I write to people and why I write so much instead of making it short and sweet and to the point.
Autism affects us in such a wide and varied way. It's fascinating!
I’m glad that what I had described is familiar to you. For me I can boil my writing down to the act of scribbling, sometimes when I write you can literally see how spared I was/becoming that day, as the quality of my prose and form deteriorates but the quantity does not.
Sometimes I try to speak to people about the nature of that mask, about how it can shield me from the presence of a communication, but they cannot see it for what it is and they say that I seem fine. Which on a positive note, is proof of just how effective that type of maskIng/compensation/concealment can be..